Badass Writer of the Week: Ian Machintosh

Ian Machintosh

By Sean Tuohy

Could an award-winning British spy writer have been a spy himself?

Ian Machintosh—author of five spy novels in the late 1960s, early 1970s—created his first television show while serving as a naval officer. He proposed the show to his superiors as a way to modernize the British Navy in the eyes of the public.

“Warship” premiered in 1973 and featured British warships during peacetime. The program mostly focused on the officers’ personal and professional lives.

Macintosh was still employed by the government when he began working on his next series—a cutting edge spy show about the dirty side of British intelligence. Macintosh was very coy when it came to his career. He never denied being a spy, but never admitted to it either…

“The Sandbaggers” premiered in 1978. Dark. Gritty. Realistic. Nothing like it had been seen on TV before. Following a group of highly trained operatives on deadly secret missions, “The Sandbaggers” went places few shows did at the time. Because Machintosh was a government employee at the time, he had to submit each of his scripts for review. Several episodes were pulled and were labeled “missing” because they contained sensitive marital.

Machintosh was the sole writer on “The Sandbaggers.” During the third season, he was on vacation with his girlfriend and friend in Alaska when his single engine plane went down. The wreckage was never found.

There has been plenty of mystery surrounding Machintosh’s death. His plane went down in area that was not monitored by either the United States or Russia. Also, he made a stop at an abandoned airfield just before the crash. Had Machtinosh still been a spy while also writing a TV show!? Did a hostile government fear he knew too much?! We will sadly never know.

The producers of “The Sandbaggers” decided not to carry on with the program after losing its only writer.

We assume Machintosh faked his own death, assumed a secret identity, and is pumping out hit TV shows in an underground bunker.

Badass Writers of the Week Archives

Badass Writer of the Week: Tina Fey

Liz Lemon, Tina Fey’s “30 Rock” alter ego, not talking to Oprah.

“Be yourself. No one else can be you.”—Tina Fey

By Sean Tuohy

Tina Fey is our queen. 

We’ve all known it for a while, but now it’s time to accept it in our hearts;  Fey is here to reign over us.

A “Star Wars” nerd, a writer and author, and a hell of a comedian, Fey has proved beyond a doubt she has serious chops. She was the first female head writer on “Saturday Night Live,” she landed her own primetime television series on NBC (which became a beloved classic), starred in blockbuster films, and wrote a best-selling memoir.

The Bossypants scribe was born to be a comedy writer. At an early age, she soaked in late night sketch television, “Ghostbusters,” and cartoons. After college, Fey made her way out to Chicago to become part of The Second City comedy troupe. Making it to that comedy club is like being tapped to lead SEAL Team Six. Fey then moved on to the mecca of sketch comedy: “Saturday Night Live.”

Fey started out as a behind-the-scenes writer, never planning to make her way on screen. Producers quickly saw that Fey was meant for the camera and she became a regular player.  In 2004, she became the first female head writer of “SNL” and wrote and produced the iconic “Mean Girls.” Fey also created backstories for all of the characters in the movie, none of which were presented to audiences, just in case an actor had a question. 

Let’s be honest who doesn’t love “Mean Girls?” Right, Dan? Dan… (Daniel Ford: I’ve sadly never seen it, but I date someone that can recite lines from the film with ease.)

Two years later, Fey gifted“30 Rock” to the world. A show within a show! Fey played overworked Liz Lemon who tried each week to produce a live sketch show while trying to have a love life and be a nerd at the same time.

She also gave us tools something to say whenever we want to quit whatever soul-sucking job we're suffer through in order to pay rent, buy food, etc.: #shutitdown

Fey also wrote a hilarious memoir titled Bossypants in 2011. The book dominated The New York Times best-seller list for weeks and has sold more than one million copies in the United States. Her childhood was scarring, but charming and filled with angst, confusion, bad haircuts, and sweating, proving yet again that there is hope for us mere mortals.

After “30 Rock” ended, Fey starred in several blockbuster comedies including “Admission,” ”Muppets Most Wanted,” and “This Is Where I Leave You.” However, she returned to the small screen in 2015 as writer and producer of “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmit,” which has garnered high ratings and much love from critics and viewers alike. The show has also burrowed its theme song deep into our brains.    

There appears to be no limit to what Fey can do, but I’m really hoping she ends up starring as a Jedi in the new “Star Wars” films. 

BADASS WRITERS OF THE WEEK ARCHIVE

Badass Writer Moment: John Swartzwelder Buys A Booth

John Swartzwelder?

Badass Writer of the Week acknowledges a single badass moment in writing every once and a while. Feel free to makes suggestions in the comments section or tweet us at @WritersBone.

By Sean Tuohy

The Writer

We’ve asked it before, and we’ll ask it again...

Who doesn’t love “The Simpsons,” that belly laugh inducing, yellow-skinned family of five that shows up our television screens every Sunday night?

During its glory days “The Simpsons” mixed topical humor, goofiness, and the right amount of heart into each episode. The show has a large writing staff filled with talented young writers who pump out jokes and stories a mile a minute. Many well-known names have written for “The Simpsons,” but one name rises above the rest is arguably the most responsible for the success of the show: John Swartzwelder. The 6-foot-5 reclusive writer is almost unknown outside of “The Simpsons” world, which is a shame because he has done so much to shape and change the pop culture landscape. Swartzwelder has penned nearly a sixth of all Simpsons episode and during the golden years his name is always in the credits. Swartzwelder is known for his tight-lipped ways and refuses to do audio commentary for “The Simpsons” nor does he do interviews. To be honest, many hardcore fans think Swartzwelder does not exist at all, but a name the writing staff made up to use when they all work on an episode.

I don't believe that.

I know John Swartzwelder is real. Something in my writing bones tells me that he is very much alive. Over the years stories have emerged about him, like the one about him refusing to come into “The Simpsons” writing room because smoking was banned. He loves to smoke while he writes, so he just started mailing in scripts. That’s a badass move.

The Moment

It’s known that Swartzwelder did most of his best writing at a small café in Los Angeles. He would sit in one particular booth and punch out a script while smoking (Young folks, there was actually a time when you could smoke in cafés. It was an awesome smoked-filled time).

Well, sadly the city of Los Angeles banned smoking in public indoor locations. That meant that the café would no longer allow Swartzwelder to do his thing the way he wanted to do it. Swartzwelder did what any smoker would do. He moved outside.

Wait, no he didn't.

He bought the booth from the cafe and had it shipped to his house!

Swartzwelder could not part from this booth. Maybe it was made from a magical tree that gave him powers to become a great writer. Or maybe Swartzwelder just has trouble saying good-bye. Swartwelder went on to write for “The Simpsons” for a while, and helped produce the big screen version of the show, and has penned several novels.

He has yet to give an interview.

The booth's whereabouts remain unknown.

BADASS WRITERS OF THE WEEK ARCHIVE

Badass Writer Moment: David Simon Becomes Dirty Harry

David Simon

Starting with this post, Badass Writer of the Week will acknowledge a single badass moment in writing once a month. Feel free to makes suggestions in the comments section or tweet us at @WritersBone.

By Sean Tuohy

Most writers spend their work day at a desk typing out stories.

No thrills. No bang. No pop.

But every once in a while something happens to a writer during his work day that turns him or her in to a badass.

David Simon is considered to be a genius because, well, he is one. His television shows "The Wire" and "Treme" have changed the television landscape and his nonfiction books The Corner and Homicide: A Year On The Killing Streets have won every major award. Simon will be the first to admit that writing is not a thrilling job, but that doesn't mean it’s a complete snooze fest.

Simon's first book Homicide was written while he spent a year observing a homicide detective squad in Baltimore. For a year, Simon was a fly on the wall as he followed detectives to crime scenes, sat with them in the office, and ate doughnuts with them. During that year, Simon became very close to the detectives, but always kept himself away from the real danger. That is until one December day.

Simon writes in his author's note in Homicide that while riding with two detectives he "went native" and helped them during a shake down. The detectives spotted suspects on the street. They jumped from the car to stop them, but one detective got stuck in his seat shouted at Simon, who had his notepad and pen in hand in the back seat, "Go!" Simon jumped from the car and as one detective was busy with one suspect, Simon took the other, shoved him against a car, and then searched him. Yes, a reporter threw a citizen against a car and then searched him and did not get in trouble.

For that brief moment, David Simon, professional writer, became David Simon, tough guy cop.

BADASS WRITERS OF THE WEEK ARCHIVE

Badass Writer of the Week: Kurt Sutter

Kurt Sutter

By Daniel Ford

In a scene in the first season of “Sons of Anarchy,” a couple fucks next to a fresh corpse one of them has just murdered.

If you weren’t sure before, that should have given you a clue as to the kind of writer Kurt Sutter is.

There is no mistaking Sutter for anything other than a badass. If you saw him walking down the street or riding his motorcycle—he’s covered in tattoos and has long hair—“writer” would not be in the top five professions you’d project on him. You’d think something like, “That guy kills men with broken toothbrushes in the shower” and not, “He must sit in front of a computer typing for extended periods of time.”

Sutter started out living in the “shadow of Rahway prison” in New Jersey. His IMDB biography goes on to say he spent a good portion of his childhood “away from people, three feet from a television screen.” Is there any better recipe for making a badass writer?

His bio on a GQ post he wrote in 2012 reads like this:

“Kurt barely graduated high school, had the lowest SAT's in his class and went to the only state college that would take him. A fucked-up home, childhood obesity, food/drug addiction, and relentless television watching all contributed to his absurd, insular world of violent fantasies and sexual dreams. He hardly reads books, he plays a fuckload of games, and his only marketable skill is his imagination. If he respects you, he'd gladly take a bullet for you. If he doesn't, he may very well be holding the gun.”

The Los Angeles Times wrote a piece on Sutter before the premiere of “Sons of Anarchy’s” third season, which recounts his battle with addiction, colorful language, and developing his persona.

“I can be arrogant, I can be insufferable," Sutter said according to the Los Angeles Times. “You really have to have a big ego and a strong personality to do this job."

At the beginning of his television career, he used that ego and personality to land a gig writing for a little show called “The Shield”—a show that is considered by some to be one of the best to ever to be on television.

How does one top working on one of the most original cop concepts in recent memory? By creating a show called “Sons of Anarchy” about an emotional, angsty, violent, troubled, addicted, loyal, and warring motorcycle club in California. Sutter even stars as incarcerated Son Otto, who is respected and feared even though he’s behind bars. You could even argue that Otto drives the course of the show.

The first two seasons of “Sons of Anarchy” are near perfect television. The dialogue and the tone Sutter creates, along with the grittiness and believability of his main characters, are wildly original and pop off the screen even when compared to characters like Walter White and Don Draper. Jax Teller, played superbly by Charlie Hunnan, is powered by a heart and energy that works so well because it’s essentially Sutter’s own.

Sutter is also a writer who isn’t afraid to speak his mind. Every writer needs a venue where he or she can write, rant, or speak without a filter. Sutter has chosen Twitter, which benefits everyone. Here are a couple of my recent favorites:

TV peabody award is given to those who provide a public service in social awareness and good taste. so who's dick do i have to suck get one?

— kurt sutter (@sutterink) April 2, 2014

Knocked out my front teeth, keep losing the temps. Going gangsta or I guess, white trash Jersey, until next week. pic.twitter.com/3XYBPblSLP

— kurt sutter (@sutterink) March 14, 2014

we can't stop you from pirating our art, that's between you and your black heart. but we can stop the corporations who enable it. #wtfgoogle

— kurt sutter (@sutterink) February 20, 2014

You know what the best part about Sutter’s badassery is? He married arguably the Queen of Badass Actresses Katey Sagal. Her heart thumps on “Sons of Anarchy” just as loud as Sutter’s own and we look forward to the next generation of badasses they are currently cultivating (the couple has three children).

The show is headed into its seventh, and reportedly final season, which I’m assuming will end with everyone dying in the most vicious way possible—like a version of Hamlet that includes brass knuckles, automatic assault weapons, and heavy chains.

And it will for fuck sure be badass as hell. Sutter wouldn’t write it any other way.

BADASS WRITERS OF THE WEEK ARCHIVE

Badass Writer of the Week: Eric L. Haney

Eric L. Haney

By Sean Tuohy

Have you seen a movie where a group of people is being held hostage by some machine gun-toting bad guys and then all of sudden…boom! The door is blown to smithereens and black-clad commandos storm the room with guns blazing and mow down the bag guys, leaving the hostages scared shitless but unharmed?

Yeah, well this week's badass writer is the guy who trained those commandos. Before he became a best-selling author and screenwriter, Eric L. Haney dropped in and out of war zones with the U.S. Army Rangers and then became one of the first members of the U.S. Government's most deadly and secretive units: Delta Force.

We don’t recommend trying anything shady around this guy because he’s a “master trainer” of some serious shit. Consider this list from his website:

• Close quarter combat
• Counter-terrorist and counter-guerilla actions
• Development/implementation of security programs
• Executive protection
• Guard force management
• Hostage/ransom negotiation
• Master sniper
• Small arms/long guns (all classes)
• Standard/improvised explosives
• Surgical explosive breaching

Umm...yeah, this guy could handle a behind the lines operation the same way Daniel and Sean handle an all you can eat buffet: with skill.

Haney joined the U.S. Army right out of high school in 1970, and quickly joined the famed 75 Ranger Regiment. The Rangers are one of the oldest and most skilled infantry units within the U.S. Army. After doing this for a while, Haney got bored. Jumping out of airplanes? Yawn. The next unit that he joined was brand new and offered one of the most difficult selection process tests in the U.S. military. For 19 months, Haney trained and became an expect in...well… being a badass(did you read the fucking list above???) before he joined Delta Force.

Haney with several other badass members of Delta Force.

For those of you that don't know what Delta Force is (or never saw the Chuck Norris film) let us give you a little background. First of all, the U.S. Government does not officially state that Delta Force exists. They are such badasses that Uncle Sam won't admit that these guys work for us. These highly trained soldiers are sent to the worst spots in the world to do who knows what and they do it without ever being noticed. Haney was one of the first members of this elite group. While in Delta Force, Haney was part of Operation Eagle Claw, the failed rescue attempt of the American hostages at the American Embassy in Iran, as well as dozens of other operations throughout the Middle East and Latin America.

Haney retired from the U.S. Army and moved to a small farm and relaxed. Yeah, right. He actually went around the world just being a badass as a freelance security consultant. As Badass for Hire—seriously, why hasn’t this movie been made???—he helped protect royal families, save kidnapped children, and train police forces all over the world.

It was during this time that Haney got the idea to write a book about his life in the U.S. Army. We assume he came up with the idea while jumping out of a helicopter just before it blew up. His tell-all book Inside Delta Force gave his firsthand account of his time with the secretive unit.

The book proved to be so thrilling that foul mouth master writer David Mamet turned the book in to a movie called “Spartan” and in to a hit television show called “The Unit.”

Finally, after a life time of jumping out of planes, saving hostages from gunmen, and just being an all-around tough guy, Haney decided to write full time. The Writer's Bone team is still trying to figure out what is tougher for Haney: jumping in to a war zone or outlining the first chapter of his novel?

BADASS WRITERS OF THE WEEK ARCHIVE