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‘Twin Peaks’ Part 16 Recap: Boogie Woogie Woogie

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By Caitlin Malcuit

In “Part 13,” Audrey screamed, “I’m not sure who I am, but I’m not me!” to her husband Charlie. Here in “Part 16,” Diane also cries out, “I’m not me.” One of these women is trapped in a façade of the real world; the other is a façade herself. Many of our character have been stuck in a parallax horror, sitting in a pickup truck rolling in place as the background loops over and over. But here, the pace changes; the truck hits the brakes and throws everyone through the windshield.

Mr. C drives up to a rocky field, a spot that matches up to two of the three sets of coordinates he’s received. He fires up a tracker, handing it off to Richard because the young man is much better poised to climb the boulders. The device, Mr. C says, will beep, then beep continuously if it finds something good. Meanwhile, Jerry Horne has made it out of the woods, surveying the situation through his backward binoculars. Suppose the edibles didn’t help him focus.

Richard’s efforts prove to be a success, as the beeps pick up quickly. Just as he hollers, “I’m there!” Richard sets off a trap, flailing as he’s electrocuted, exploding into burst of gold sparkles before he warps out of existence. Mr C. coldly responds, “Oh. Good-bye, my son,” confirming the revolting hunch many had about Richard’s parentage as Jerry curses his bad binoculars. Before he leaves, C fires off another text: “:-) ALL”

In Las Vegas, Hutch and Chantal stake out Dougie’s house, alarmed when the FBI rolls up to see if anyone is home. Randall knocks on the door to no avail, and orders his Wilson to get a car ready for surveillance. The feds depart for Lucky 7 Insurance.

Janey-E, Sonny Jim, and Mullins keep vigil at the comatose Cooper’s bedside, with the young boy wondering if a coma has something to do with electricity, which no, it doesn’t, but in this case, it did. The Mitchum brothers pop in with flowers and food for their dear friend. Ever generous, the brothers tell Janey-E and her son that they need a key to the house--they’re sending trucks over to stock the house up, because when these sort of things happen, who feels like cooking? No one! Bradley leans over to look at Cooper. “It was like, what, electricity or something?”

Back at Lancelot Court, Chantal grabs the last bag of Cheetos to munch on when Bradley and Rodney pull up to unload food at “Dougie’s” house as Hutch idly wonders if one of them is their target. “Do any of them look like our boss?” Chantal snarls. Their bewildered observation is interrupted by a white sedan that says “Zawaski Accounting Inc.” on the side as it parks in front of the assassins’ van. A man steps out, telling Hutch and Chantal that they’re blocking his driveway. They tell him to fuck off, so he escalates by pushing the van with his car. Chantal shoots accountant’s windshield, and he hustles to his trunk to whip out a machine pistol and plug her shoulder. The commotion stirs the attention of Agent Wilson’s and his stakeout buddy, and the Mitchum brothers cautiously watch from Dougie’s door, guns drawn. As Chantal and Hutch try to make their getaway, the accountant kills them both in a flurry of bullets. The van slowly plods down the road as the FBI descend upon this unlikely champion.

In his hospital room, Cooper shoots up in his bed upon a visit from the One-Armed Man, aka MIKE. Cooper earnestly assures his guest that he is “one-hundred percent” awake, and the spirit says the one word that’s been on everybody’s mind: “Finally.”

Cooper learns that his doppelgänger has not been brought back to the Lodge as MIKE gifts him the green ring. In exchange, Cooper pulls out a strand of hair so that another Dougie can be created. The agent’s eyes grow misty, and MIKE says he understands. Janey-E, Sonny Jim, and Mullins return to see their Dougie is finally awake, more talkative than ever. Wife and child go pull the car out front as Mullins says the FBI stopped in at Lucky 7 Insurance. Cooper says this is perfect, shoveling down a tray of finger sandwiches. He pulls out his IV, gets dressed, borrows the pistol that Mullins wears in the holster under his left arm, and calls the Mitchum brothers to fire up their private plane to go straight to Spokane, Washington. The main theme swells as Cooper says his goodbyes—Mullins wants to know what to do about the FBI.

Cooper turns and smiles: “I am the FBI.”

In Spokane, Diane nurses a drink and cigarette, spying the text that Mr. C sent. She hyperventilates as she peers into her purse, taking another swig. “I remember,” she cries. “Oh, Coop.” She texts back the numbers 48551420117163956 and shivers. A dark look comes over her face as she once again looks into her bag—there’s a gun. Diane slowly walks to the FBI’s situation room, hovering in front of the door. Gordon Cole beckons her to head on in, sensing her there.

Diane recounts the night she last saw Cooper—it was three or four years after he disappeared. He arrived, no knock, no doorbell, he “just walked in.” The two sat on her sofa as Cooper grilled her about the FBI’s activities, then leaned in to kiss her. Diane sensed something was wrong and felt afraid. As many feared in their theories, “Cooper” raped Diane. After, he took her to a gas station. Diane begins to convulse and gasp before she collects herself. She shakes out “I’m in the sheriff’s station” over and over before sobbing out that she’s not herself. In a flash, Diane grabs her pistol, but is shot by Tammie and Albert before she can hit them. Her body surges forward and disappears. “Wow,” Tammie whispers. “That was a real tulpa.”

Diane materializes in the Red Room armchair, as MIKE says someone manufactured her. Her head cracks open, emitting black smoke and a golden seed before the form disappears in a crackle of electricity.

Audrey and Charlie stroll into the Roadhouse, as Edward Louis Severson III plays on stage (Eddie Vedder, everyone!). Charlie orders two martinis as Vedder sings, “And I am who I am/Who I could have been/I will never have the chance.” After the performance, the MC comes back out to introduce “Audrey’s Dance,” the crowd pushing back to give her the floor. Ms. Horne slowly drifts out in a reverie, swaying to the song she danced to on the jukebox way back when. Her performance is cut short by a man lunging at another, starting a brawl. In the chaos of flying fists and broken glass, Audrey runs back to Charlie, begging him to get her out of here, but she jolts awake in a bright white room in front of a mirror, crying out, “What? What?” Maybe she can escape it.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Recap: Parts 14 & 15

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By Caitlin Malcuit

Parts 14 and 15 together make for a poignant two hours, running down the list to check off a host of emotions. You’ve got heartbreak, you’ve got grief, you’ve got delight—rollercoaster sure does work as a metaphor here, because the lump in your throat and tears in your eyes are physical reminders of mortality. It’s red curtains for all of us, eventually.

Part 14: I Cannes Dream about You

The fine folks of the Twin Peaks Sherriff’s Department and the FBI bring each other up to speed on their respective storylines, but not before Gordon Cole nearly deafens Lucy with his shouting. Frank Truman reveals they have the missing pages of Laura Palmer’s diary and that there may be two Coopers out in the wild.

Albert elaborates on the Blue Rose nomenclature to Tammie; the case of origin involved a woman named Lois Duffy, who shot her doppelganger. The double, with her dying breath, utters, “I’m like the Blue Rose.” Agent Preston observes that such a color rose does not occur in nature—the fake Duffy was “a tulpa”—a manifestation of Lois, separate from her own consciousness. We, the audience, slowly realize this conceit indulges Lynch’s passion for transcendental meditation.

Diane is questioned about her last encounter with Cooper to see if Major Briggs ever came up in conversation. She claims that he did not, and learns about the ring found in Briggs’ stomach. Turns out Janey-E is Diane’s half-sister, who lives in Las Vegas with her husband Douglas Jones. They do not get along. In turn, Cole gets Las Vegas agents Wilson (Owain Rhys Davies) and Headley (Jay R. Ferguson) on the horn, asking them to round up Dougie and Jane.

Cole loudly announces to his colleagues that, “Last night, I had another Monica Bellucci dream.” Yeah, honest-to-god, it’s Monica Bellucci, even more cryptic here than she was in “The Matrix: Reloaded.” In his dream, Cole joined Bellucci and her friends for coffee at a Parisian café. Dale Cooper materialized, his face indistinguishable. Monica woefully recites a philosophical text: "We are like the dreamer who dreams, and then lives inside the dream. But who is the dreamer?" Cole is compelled to look behind him, following his companion’s gaze, and sees his younger self. This triggered a memory of Phillip Jeffries sudden reappearance in “Fire Walk with Me.”

Deputy Chad runs out of opportunities to sneak in conference room lunches when he’s arrested by his co-workers, who have their lunch on the table, taunting him.

Bobby, Hawk, Andy, and Frank head to the forest and Jack Rabbit’s Palace, coming upon a clearing with fog swirling about. A young woman’s body lies on the ground, but she’s still alive. Her face is eyeless; this is the woman who helped Cooper escape his interdimensional limbo. As 2:53 hits, a vortex appears in the sky, all staring at it—only Andy disappears. He drops in to the black and white from the premiere. The giant arrives, projecting a brief film that shows Andy the creation of BOB, Laura, as well as Cooper and his evil double. The vortex disappears as the sheriff’s team snap out of their daze. Andy reappears with the young woman in his arms. Our usually cyclical, repetitive deputy lays down the facts: the tall man is called the Fireman, who explained the woman is very important, and people want her dead.

Lucy and Andy get Naido (per the credits) set up with nice cozy pajamas and keep her in a cell, where Chad and a bloodied drunk also sit. Naido starts clicking and cooing, and the drunk grunts as well. Chad screams at them to shut up to no avail, and starts mocking them with ape sounds before he screams.

James Hurley, taking a break from his security detail at the Great Northern, shoots the shit with his coworker Freddie (Jake Wardle), obliterating walnuts with his grip. They’re heading to the Roadhouse for James’ birthday, but James has another b-day request: the story behind Freddie’s green, rubber-gloved right hand.

After a night of drinking at a London pub, Freddie was compelled to tackle a stack of boxes in an alley. But once he jumped, he levitated. Like Andy, he saw a vortex and was dropped into the Fireman’s room. Freddie was instructed to stop in a hardware store and pick up a lone green rubber glove that would grant him staggering strength. From there, he’d travel to Twin Peaks to seek his destiny. The clerk didn’t want to sell an opened package with a single item, but Freddie paid and decked the clerk, breaking the guy’s neck. The glove wouldn’t come off even with a doctor’s assistance. Freddie figured he’d head to Twin Peaks, but to his surprise, his plane ticket had already been purchased.

James decides to check out a noise in the hotel boiler room, but we’re spared a Winkie’s jump scare and instead find Sarah Palmer depositing herself at the Elk’s Point #9 Bar to get her Bloody Mary fix. A trucker zeroes in on her, but Sarah’s not amused by his (un)smooth talk. The jerk keeps hounding her, escalating with threats, but Sarah does him one better: she pulls off her face. The trucker stares in horror into a dark void as a floating mouth sasses, “Are you sure you want to fuck with this?” She fixes her face back in place and rips out the trucker’s throat. He drops to the floor as Sarah campaigns for an Emmy, acting as if she’s mortified. The bartender thinks something is fishy, but she icily replies, “Sure is a mystery, huh?”

At the Roadhouse, we’re back to another mystery: Where the hell is Billy? Megan (Shane Lynch) chats with her friend Sophie (Emily Stofle) about his last-known whereabouts. Megan and her mother caught sight of him in their yard, frightening them both. He dashed into their kitchen, bleeding from his mouth and nose before taking off again. Sophie’s face and the music darkens as she asks, “What’s your mother’s name?” “Tina,” Megan replies.

Part 15: Lights Out

Golden shovel in hand, Nadine Hurley marches down the highway and stops at Big Ed’s Gas Farm. Following her conversation with Dr. Jacoby, Nadine tells Ed that she came to a realization: she’s changed. She loves Ed so much, but, as she puts it, “I’ve been a selfish bitch to you all these years, and you’ve been a saint.” Nadine knows that Ed always pined for Norma, but kept them apart out of spite, taking advantage of her husband’s guilt. She just wants him to be free and gives her blessing to the couple. After one last embrace, Nadine swings her shovel over her shoulder, strutting out into the sunset.

Ed, overcome with newfound freedom, bolts to the Double R Diner as Otis Redding’s “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” swells, probably the best, most breathtaking musical moment of the show. He rushes up to Norma, telling her everything’s changed, that they’re free to be together. For the Double R’s owner, that’s great and all…but Walter’s here. Ed’s face drops, and so do our hearts. He slumps onto a stool as Norma tells her beau that she’s selling the franchise to him, holding on to the original location. The regulars are her family, and she wants to take care of them. Walter storms off.

Ed sits in silence—practicing his Transcendental Meditation® Technique, no doubt—but Norma’s hand slides over his shoulder. He swivels around and they hold one another, together at long last. Ed says, “Marry me,” to which Norma smiles, “Of course I will,” as Shelly warmly looks on, coffee carafe in hand.

Mr. C arrives at the Convenience Store. Led by a Woodsman to the floral wallpapered space Cole saw in his vortex trip, they venture to a new realm beyond the store: a motel. A woman with a shadowed face brings Mr. C to Philip Jeffries, occupying the form of a large steam teapot-type machine. C wants to know if he sent Ray to kill him—Jeffries did not call Ray, and never spoke to the doppelganger five days prior because he doesn’t have Mr. C’s number. The conversation steers toward someone named Judy, first mentioned by Jeffries back in the 1989 FBI HQ incident. C wants to know who Judy is, but the teapot claims they’ve already met. Jeffries knows her whereabouts, however, and spouts out coordinates via steam signal. He fades away, leaving Mr. C to answer a telephone, teleporting him back outside.

Cooper’s double is greeted by Richard Horne, pistol drawn. Richard says he recognized Mr. C back at the Over the Top farm. His mom had a picture of him in his FBI glory. “Who’s your mom?” Mr. C asks. Richard answers, “Audrey Horne.” Ruh-roh!

Mr. C beats and disarms Richard for threatening him, then makes the young man enter the truck. They’ll chat when they ride. Practicing driver safety, C shoots off a text that reads, “Las Vegas?”

In the forests of Twin Peaks, Steven Burnett and Gersten Hayward clutch each other under a large tree, the former twitchy from his high. He loads a gun to Gersten’s dismay, threatening suicide because his life is a mess. The pair are discovered by a man (Mark Frost) walking his dog, and Gersten scurries off, clutching her head as she hears a gunshot. The man walks back to his home at the Fat Trout Trailer Park, telling Carl what he saw.

At the Roadhouse, James and Freddie enjoy their night out when they spot Renee (Jessica Szohr), the crier at James’ show. Hurley the younger dares to say hello, and is promptly hassled by her husband Chuck. For some reason, James blurts out that he likes her, taking a punch to the face in kind. Chuck and his pal gang up on James and Freddie steps in, striking the men with his gloved hand. This lands the bullies in intensive care, James and Freddie in a jail cell, and starts another howling session in the Twin Peaks Sheriff’s Department.

In Las Vegas, Agent Wilson rounds up the wrong Dougie and Jane Jones. Todd Duncan asks his assistant Roger to find Tony Sinclair, but both are shot to death by Chantal. One down, one to go, she tells Hutch.

The true Cooper gets a piece of chocolate cake from Janey-E, enjoying it along with an airing of “Sunset Boulevard.” The mention of character Gordon Cole causes Cooper to pause the film in shock. His eyes are drawn to the electrical outlet on the wall and he crawls toward it, fork outstretched. He inserts the handle into the socket, blowing out the power as Janey-E screams in fright. 

The Log Lady calls Hawk once more to let her old friend know that she’s dying. She knows that it’s her time, but there’s always room for a little fear. Margaret and Hawk have a shared knowledge though, that death is “just a change, not an end.” They exchange their final good nights, and, after Hawk hangs up, a good-bye, Margaret. 

Audrey Horne has made it as far as the foyer of her home where Charlie waits. He’s even ready to go, coat on and all! Audrey still experiences periodic dissociative spells, blinking in confusion. It’s almost as if she can’t head out the door, descending into a pissing match with Charlie. He threatens to take off his coat and just forget about going to the Roadhouse (he’s still so, so sleepy, after all). Audrey feels like she’s meeting a different person, demanding to know who he is. Charlie sighs, removes his coat and plops on the couch. Ms. Horne can’t take it anymore, and rushes at Charlie and chokes him.

So they don’t make it to the Roadhouse. Ruby (Charlyne Yi) sits slumped in a booth to check out The Veils’ performance. Two bikers approach, but she says she’s waiting for someone. They lift Ruby up and set her on the floor. She crawls through the crowd, screaming violently as the concert comes to a close.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Part 13 Recap: Come on Down!

By Caitlin Malcuit

If Cooper’s Dougie limbo is a parody of Walter White’s fugue put-on in Season 2 of “Breaking Bad,” as Rachel Millman posited on Twitter, then Mr. C’s confrontation with the farmhouse gang is probably a take on the dick-waving contests on “The Walking Dead” between Rick Grimes and the Saviors, Rick and the Governor, Rick and anyone. Tongue planted firmly in cheek, Part 13 is a blast of an hour.

The Mitchum Brothers conga dance right into Bushnell Mullins’ office as Tony Sinclair cowers behind his desk. Candie presents Mullins with several gifts, on her A-game as she presents Monte Cristo Number Twos, diamond encrusted monogram cuff links, and the keys to a brand new car with a Barker’s Beauty splendor. They go to a BMW, and it matches Dougie’s!

Tony whimpers to Duncan Todd that the plan failed, and is given only one more chance to remedy the situation. He makes a stop to the LVPD, where the Detectives Fusco run down the results of Dougie’s prints. They match those of an escaped prisoner in South Dakota, who is also a missing FBI agent. They deem the story too ridiculous to bother with and crumple up the results, directing Tony to the back of the department to meet a Detective Clark.

Clark (John Savage—doing a great Harvey Keitel) is crooked, and Tony runs to him for and undetectable poison. But it’s gonna cost a good chunk of change. Tony believes that someone is on to them and hastens off. Clark’s partner saunters over asking what the problem is. Clark is in disbelief that Tony is going to resort to murder, and says he’ll give Mr. Todd a ring.

Janey-E, basking in the glow of her new BMW convertible and Sonny-Jim’s joy with his swing set, drops her husband off at work. Tony whisks his colleague away for a cup of joe at Szymon’s. The allure of a cherry pie drags Cooper inside the café proper, giving Tony the opportunity to spike the coffee. The waitress sends Cooper back out to his seat, but the agent zeroes in on the collection of dandruff on Tony’s shoulders. He gently prods Tony’s back, which strikes Tony as being too kind for his wretched soul, so he confesses. Tony dashes to pour the coffee into the urinal (prompting an amusing “That bad, huh?” from another occupant), and sobs his apologies. Tony dishes to Mullins—even though Mullins knew thanks to Cooper’s doodles—and Mr. Sinclair swears that he’ll testify against Duncan Todd, even if it costs him his life.

At the Saviors’ compound—sorry—in Western Montana, Mr. C pulls into a garage while Ray and a couple of burly men watch on a monitor. Ray’s not happy to see him, considering that he killed the guy, but big boss Renzo (Derek Mears) assures Ray he’ll get the chance again after they have a little bit of fun.

Renzo sizes up their visitor, saying, “Looks like we’ve got ourselves a new contestant here,” and dispatches Muddy (Frank Collison) to lay out the rules of the game—it’s “Over the Top” time, baby!

If Mr. C loses, he’ll answer to Renzo. Muddy’s giving him an out, and recommends that he hightail it. In the unlikely event that he wins, Mr. C is the boss. He doesn’t want to be the boss, but he wants Ray. To the table they go, and the arm wrestling commences.

You can guess how this is gonna go, and you’re right: Mr. C bests Renzo, finishing his opponent by breaking his arm and punching his eyeballs in. His prize is a new crew, some burner phones, and Ray, who gets a gunshot to the leg for his betrayal. Dark Cooper grills him, finding out that the hit came from Philip Jeffries, who hoped to have a green ring placed on C’s left hand to force him back to the Black Lodge. As the gang watches over a monitor, Richard Horne joins the viewing party. Ray hands over a scrap of paper with the desired coordinates. Finally, last Ray heard, Jeffries was at a place called the Dutchman’s, but it’s not real. That’s all Mr. C needs to end Ray Monroe, because he knows exactly where that spot is.

In Twin Peaks, a distraught Becky calls her mom at work. Steven hasn’t come home for two days, and she’s worried. Shelly tells her to head to the diner, and she’ll serve her a piece of cherry pie and ice cream, and, gosh darn it, Becky can’t resist!

Bobby makes his own stop to the RR Diner to pick up a meal, and bumps into Ed Hurley (Everett McGill) dining with Norma (Peggy Lipton). Bobby tries to exit, offering Ed space to catch up with his former flame, but both end up moving as Norma’s boyfriend Walter Lawford (Grant Goodeve) arrives. He’s also her business partner, and as he goes over a profits report, mentions that the flagship RR Diner is underperforming where her franchise locations are thriving. Walter says Norma sells her homemade pies too cheap, but Norma doesn’t like the shortcuts the franchise takes to make pies—they just aren’t as good.

Nadine chats with Dr. Jacoby when the site of a golden shovel on display brings him to Run Silent, Run Drapes. She’s thrilled to see her hero Dr. Amp, whose mantra helped bring her business venture to life. The doctor reminisces that the last time he saw Nadine, she was looking around for a potato she dropped on the supermarket floor. Their warm reunion stands in contrast to Sarah Palmer’s evening, guzzling alcohol as she watches a loop of a boxing match (not one of Bushnell Mullins’, though).

Audrey Horne still pries Charlie for an answer about Tina’s phone call, but he won’t spill. She feels like she’s somewhere else and somebody else and doesn’t know where she’s supposed to be. Charlie reminds Audrey that they’re going to the Roadhouse to find Billy, but she can’t remember where that is or how to get there, her steely doggedness coming undone. Charlie’s frustrated and warns his wife, “Now, are you gonna stop playing games, or do I have to end your story, too?”

At the Roadhouse, James Hurley treats us with a performance of the infamous “Just You” as Vanessa from “Gossip Girl” looks on, touched by his performance. Renee (Jessica Szohr), as she’s listed in the credits, can’t keep her eyes dry. Meanwhile, James’ uncle Ed sits in silence at his gas station, quietly eating his RR To-Go cup of soup.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Part 12 Recap: The Ex-Files

By Caitlin Malcuit

The circular conversations and repetitions that fill “Twin Peaks: The Return” wrings out every last drop of patience that the audience can endure. We wait and wait and wait, but when we get something new, what a slap in the face it is. After all, things can happen!

Agent Preston is officially welcomed into the ranks of the Blue Rose Task Force. Albert explains to her it stemmed from Project Blue Book, the U.S. Air Force’s UFO study. Spearheaded by Philip Jeffries, agents Chester Desmond, Dale Cooper, and Albert were chosen to investigate the cases that Blue Book couldn’t answer—Albert wryly notes that he’s the only one of the group who hasn’t disappeared. Despite Gordon Cole’s reluctance to bring new folks into the fold, they think Preston’s got the right stuff. Diane enters through the red drapes of the den and is deputized to assist, because they really need her, and doesn’t she want to know what happened to her dear friend Cooper? After a moment, Diane pierces through the silence by wagging a two-finger salute: “Let’s rock.”

Diane is still under suspicion: she receives a text asking, “Las Vegas?” and replies, “THEY HAVEN’T ASKED YET.” Albert intercepts the message. This brings him to Cole, regaling a French woman with FBI tales. She exits after what feels like an eternity, but for all of the waiting David Lynch has us endure, this feels like the moment he knew Miguel Ferrer’s time was short. Through a blinking and misting stare, Cole throws his hand on his colleagues shoulder and says, “Albert…sometimes I really worry about you.”

In Twin Peaks, Truman and Hawk make separate visits to town denizens. The Sheriff has the unpleasant task of telling Ben Horne that his grandson Richard struck and killed the little boy at the crosswalk and is on the run. Miriam, now in intensive care, provided her witness account and awaits surgery. Ben offers his financial assistance to cover her medical expenses, as well as Cooper’s old Great Northern hotel key as a memento for the ailing Harry Truman.

Hawk stops at Sarah Palmer’s house after a breakdown in the grocery store. After clearing the Smirnoff stock and picking up a carton of Salems, the sight of brand new turkey jerky sets her off. Sarah screams at the clerks that men are coming and they have to watch out. This is enough to warrant a well-being check. A large thump rattles the Palmer house (and liquor bottles), and when Hawk asks if anyone is inside, Sarah says it’s just something in the kitchen. The deputy chief assures Sarah that if she needs help—help of any kind—just call.

Some story threads are condensed in “Part 12:” Cooper plays catch with his face outside with Sonny Jim. Jerry Horne runs through a field and trips. Carl helps out a trailer park resident who’s trying to make ends meet. Chantal and Hutch assassinate the Warden before a trip to Wendy’s.

After another Dr. Amp broadcast, we’re abruptly sent to a study where Audrey Horne (Sherilyn Fenn) stands, scowling at a man behind a desk (Clark Middleton). No longer the mischief-maker-turned-activist, she berates Charlie, her apparent husband, to come with her to the Roadhouse to find a man named Billy. Billy has been missing for two days. Charlie says he’s too tired and has a deadline, but Audrey leans in: she is sleeping with Billy. She even had a dream about him where he bled from his nose and mouth, and sometimes dreams harken a truth! If the Audrey of the original series was like a young Elizabeth Taylor, the Audrey of the return is the Martha to Charlie’s George.

The scene provides a mess of new names. Tina is the last person to see Billy, according to someone named Chuck, but Charlie was supposed to call Tina because Audrey can’t stand her. Chuck also stole Billy’s truck! Anyway, the two are in some sort of contract which Audrey threatens to renege on, and so Charlie calls Tina. He receives horrible news over the phone, but he refuses to share, seemingly at Tina’s behest. Billy, for what it’s worth, may be the farmer who was supposed to meet Andy in “Part 7.” Audrey is grinding her teeth, and ours are worn down to the root.

At the Roadhouse, we don’t see Audrey, but two new women: Natalie (Ana de la Reguera) and Abbie (Elizabeth Anweis). They’re waiting for someone too—their friend Angela. Angela’s going out with Clark, but Clark was seen with Mary. Suddenly, Natalie’s boyfriend Trick (Scott Coffey) dashes into their booth. Someone came at him headlong on the highway and ran him off the road. Could it have been Richard? If it is, he won’t get far—Red will find him and he’ll realize, as Diane did when plugging in the coordinates, all roads lead to Twin Peaks.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Part 11 Recap: Crust Desserts

By Caitlin Malcuit

During a game of catch, a boy goes to retrieve the ball he misses and hollers that he sees a body. But that body is moving—it’s a bloodied Miriam Sullivan, dragging herself through the woods. Her survival— one people hoped for, but couldn’t be certain of—is one of many pins and needles that “The Return” keeps sticking into the audience this week.

We witness Becky Burnett’s bug-eyed, crackling rage as she learns over the phone that her no-good husband Stephen is up to no good with another woman. Without a car, she begs Shelly for help once again, so her mother dashes out of the RR Diner. For her trouble, Shelly is flung off the hood after trying to stop her pistol-armed daughter from doing anything stupid.

Carl Rodd sees Shelly in distress and summons his VW shuttle express with an alphorn-like whistle to hitch a ride to town. He also has the Twin Peaks police dispatch at his disposal, contacting them via CB radio to get a direct patch through to Deputy Briggs—Becky’s dad. Carl’s consistently a badass.

In Buckhorn, South Dakota, the FBI crew checks out the sight of Major Briggs’ secret interdimensional hideaway. Diane hangs back, helping herself to a cigarette as per usual. Hastings, from the back of Detective Macklay’s cruiser, guides Tammy to the precise portal opening, but exhales sharply when he spies a Woodsman sneaking around the dilapidated shacks. Albert and Gordon also see the phantom, and press on through the fence.

Gordon steps up to the spot, his vision becoming distorted with licks of flame and blurs as the sky opens up in a tornadic swirl. To the others, it merely looks as if he’s raising his arms to the sky, but Gordon sees more: a stairwell appears, and a row of Woodsman are lined up, staring back. A crackle of electricity intensifies, but Albert pulls Gordon back in time. In a clearing to their right, there lies the body of Ruth Davenport.

Diane catches a glimpse of the Woodsmen while the others photograph the corpse, opting to stay quiet while she watches it slip through the cruiser unnoticed. Hastings cringes in pain with the sound of a crunch, and Macklay is sprayed with the result. The detective calls for backup and Diane peers through the windshield. “There’s no backup for this,” she says.

Because she left some extra peepholes in the other woman’s door, Becky’s parents sit her down to discuss an out from her marriage. Red crashes the family meeting to Shelly’s delight, and she pops outside to see him as Bobby looks on with a hangdog expression. While she’s trying to get her kid out of a bad situation, Shelly’s falling back into old habits herself by necking with a new bad boy.

Gunfire breaks the awkward tension as it hits the RR Diner. Bobby runs to investigate the commotion. A woman shouts down her hunting-fatigues clad husband for leaving a gun in the car, which his identically dress son found and shot out from the minivan window. Bobby empties the gun as the child stares him down like he doesn’t give a shit (his father doesn’t either, apparently). The car behind them honks incessantly, so when Bobby attempts to calm the driver down, she verbally honks that they’re late for dinner and an unseen “she” is sick—and “she” really is. A child in the passenger seat slowly rises, arms out like a zombie, vomit sputtering out of her mouth. The driver screams as Bobby stares dumbfounded. This just ain’t his day.

Hawk and Truman, back at the station, look over a magic map that always stays current, matching it to Major Briggs’ cryptic note. Hawk notes fire and corn stalk symbols to Truman—fire can be good or bad, depending upon its intention, but it’s not traditional fire either. It’s more like modern-day electricity. The corn stalks are blackened, signaling disease as opposed to healthy, fertile corn. The two come together to form black fire. Truman asks about the winged circle symbol at the map’s top, but is told that it’s something he doesn’t ever want to know about. The Log Lady calls as well, warning Hawk that there’s fire where he is going.

In South Dakota, Gordon tries to steady his left hand, now shaking after his experience in the portal. He requests to see the photos of Ruth’s arm, and more specifically, the coordinates written on it. Albert brings out the image, catching Diane mouthing the numbers to herself. The last few digits are smudged, but Albert doesn’t finish revealing where the initial set lead to before Macklay and Tammy appear with coffee and doughnuts.

In Las Vegas, Cooper barely absorbs the update that the insurance claim on the Mitchum brothers’ property is the real deal and that he, the lucky son of a gun, gets to break the news and a $30 million check to the fellas! As it turns out, the Mitchums have already requested a meeting with “Dougie,” thanks to Tony’s machinations, and want to take the agent out to dinner. Upon the 5:30 pickup time, the One-Armed Man beckons Cooper into Szymon’s coffee shop and he leaves with a cardboard box.

Of course, the Mitchums have other plans. Bradley talks with Rodney over their 2:23 p.m. breakfast about a dream he had. At first, Bradley’s anxious to cap Dougie, but as the time nears, the dream becomes clearer. He has reservations; after all, Ike “The Spike” is out of the way because of Dougie. Rodney calls bullshit, but Bradley insists that, in the dream, Rodney’s cut from the fly incident healed up. The bandage is ripped off—the cut is gone.

When Cooper arrives, Bradley freaks out over the sight of the cardboard box. He pleads with Rodney that they cannot kill Cooper if a certain item is inside, whispering the contents to his brother out of the agent’s earshot. Rodney confronts Cooper at gunpoint, demanding to know if a cherry pie is in fact in the box. It is so—Bradley’s vision is confirmed to be more pleasant than the ending of “Se7en,” and a frisking reveals the check for $30 million. Belushi’s stellar performance here is starting to make me forget about “According to Jim.” Almost.

The ecstatic Mitchums take their new best friend out to dinner, where they enjoy champagne and some “damn good” pie. Just as a note from the restaurant piano stirs a glimmer of recollection, Cooper is thanked by the other Silver Mustang winner. The former slot machine addict, cleaned up and reunited with her long lost son, smooches her dear Mr. Jackpots for having changed her life for the better, letting the brothers know that a very special man is in their presence. Here’s hoping he gets to turn things around for the town of Twin Peaks, and fast.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Part 10 Recap: We’re Up All Night to Get Lucky

By Caitlin Malcuit

Two prestige shows featured cameos by pasty musicians: “Game of Thrones” had Ed Sheeran, and “Twin Peaks” had Moby. That’s it—recap over.

Just kidding! Anyway, the brutality shifts from Las Vegas to Twin Peaks for an hour full of violence, suspicion, and visions.

We knew Richard Horne wasn’t above manslaughter, but he moves up to second-degree murder when he pays a visit to jovial schoolteacher Miriam at her trailer. She stares out defiantly through her screen door; his opposing reflection brings to mind the flashes of demonic killer BOB in mirrors. Miriam has told the police about the crosswalk accident, but is surprised that Richard hasn’t been arrested yet—it’s likely she told Deputy Chad, who would remain purposefully tightlipped. So, she sent a letter this very day to Sheriff Truman, telling him everything she knows, adding that if anything happens to her, it was Richard who did it. Richard rushes the trailer and brutally beats Miriam off-screen while he calls Chad to intercept the letter.

Fat Trout proprietor Carl strums his guitar until he’s interrupted by a shattered window, followed by screaming. “What a fucking nightmare,” he mutters before we find out the domestic situation inside: Steven Bennett, no longer so mellow from his cocaine high, berates and beats Becky. This echoes her mother’s old life with abusive ex-husband Leo.

In Vegas, Rodney Mitchum (Robert Knepper), last seen beating the Silver Mustang supervisor, is on the receiving end of pain himself when moll Candie (Amy Shiels) wallops him with a remote to kill a fly. After her protracted determination to swat the thing, she collapses into a hysterical mess, where Jim Belushi’s Bradley Mitchum enters and all jabber over one another like a scene from a screwball comedy. They settle down to watch the news, finding out Ike "The Spike" Stadtler was arrested and that his dispatcher “Dougie Jones” was their very own Mr. Jackpots.

As the Mitchums plot to meet with their winner, Duncan Todd summons a visitor to his desk: Tony Sinclair. The physically imposing Tony is putty in Duncan’s hands, obliging when told not to sit, not to speak. Mr. C’s treatment of Duncan is now transposed onto the insurance agent. The plan is to have Tony meet with the Mitchum brothers and convince them that Dougie Jones is the one caused their $30 million arson claim to be turned down. Furious, they’ll likely kill him. If not, Tony has to take care of Dougie himself.

Meanwhile, with a day off, Janey-E manages to get her “husband” into the doctor’s office for a checkup. Fascinated by his patient’s physical improvements, the doctor overlooks Cooper’s vacant replies. Janey-E practically has throbbing hearts in her eyes when she catches sight of his abs. Once they’re home, Cooper’s wife-but-not-really digs her shoes into the floor in an amorous daze, somehow convincing him to have sex. Despite the suspect nature of consent here, Cooper’s arms flail in ecstatic bliss, Janey-E moaning loud enough to wake her kid. But the sex isn’t enough to bring the agent out of his fugue.

In Buckhorn, Gordon Cole and Tammy Preston spy Albert dining with coroner Talbot, perhaps bonding over their shared ability to conduct autopsies. Albert later stops by Cole’s hotel room, but as soon as he opens the door, Cole is greeted with a vision of Laura Palmer sobbing in the doorway. He shakes it off, and Albert reveals that Diane’s text from Mr. C pinged off a tower in Philly, but Tammy traced it to a server in Mexico. She replied, too, “They have Hastings, he’s going to take them to the site.”

Tammy joins her colleagues to show them a photo related to the murder in New York. Mr. C, with an unidentified male, is shown visiting the room with the glass box.

Back in Twin Peaks, Richard continues to raise hell. After Chad successfully intercepts Miriam’s letter from the mail truck—under Lucy’s surveillance—Richard pulls up to his grandmother Sylvia’s house to grab money before he high tails it out of town. He chokes a safe combination out of Sylvia before he robs her of cash, silver, and her purse. She later calls her estranged husband Ben at the Great Northern Hotel, looking to be compensated for her ordeal, but he refuses. Ben hangs up, and in his frustration, asks assistant Beverly out to dinner.

Hawk receives another late-night call from The Log Lady, imparting a cryptic message:

“Hawk. Electricity is humming. You hear it in the mountains and rivers. You see it dance among the seas and stars and glowing around the moon, but in these days, the glow is dying. What will be in the darkness that remains? The Truman brothers are both true men. They are your brothers. And the others, the good ones, who have been with you. Now the circle is almost complete. Watch and listen to the dream of time and space. It all comes out now, flowing like a river. That which is and is not. Hawk. Laura is the one.”

She hasn’t steered him wrong yet! Does this mean that The Bookhouse Boys will get back together? The dream of time and space sounds not unlike Laura’s birth in Part 8. At the Roadhouse, Rebekah Del Rio closes out with the Lynch-penned “No Stars,” with Moby here on guitar. She sings “My dream is to go to that place/You know the one/Where it all began.” Perhaps the Boys will get to that place…whether it’s the Black or White Lodge remains to be seen.

P.S. Nadine finally did it. She figured out how to make silent curtain runners. There’s a retail location, too: Run Silent, Run Drapes.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Park 9 Recap: You’re Gonna Have Yourself a SCUB-y Snack

By Caitlin Malcuit

All of the dots begin to connect in “Twin Peaks: The Return” Part 9, the true-blue halfway point of this run. And like any good “Blue Rose” case, this episode all comes back to a body.

Mr. C, recovered from his ambush by Ray, comes upon a red bandana on a post and makes his way to a farm where Chantal (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and Hutch (Tim Roth) are waiting. They’ve dispatched the home owners and hook Mr. C up with a new truck and weapons while he catches up on his correspondence. First, he makes a call to Duncan Todd at the Silver Mustang, asking if he’s “done it yet,” then sends a cryptic text that reads, “Around the dinner table, the conversation is lively.” Mr. C tells Pumpkin, uh, Hutch to take care of a warden, with a “double-header” to follow in Vegas, and heads off after a smooch from Chantal.

On the FBI jet, Gordon et al. receive a call that diverts their return trip to Philadelphia. Col. Davis tells them the Buckhorn morgue has Major Briggs’ body. So off to West South Dakota they go. Already frustrated that she can’t check her phone, Diane needs some bribing with nips. Gordon also fields a call from Warden Murphy. Cooper escaped, causing Gordon to exclaim, “Cooper flew the coop!”

“Dougie” and Janey-E sit patiently in the Las Vegas police department, where Dougie’s boss talks with the three Detective Fuscos about his employee. Mullins tells them that Dougie has spacey moments following a car accident in his past, but otherwise isn’t sure why someone would attempt to kill him, being a “solid citizen” and all. Upon Mullins’ departure, one Fusco reveals that no info on Dougie Jones prior to 1997, leading them to float the witness protection program as a possible answer.  

David Koechner’s Fusco has an idea. He gives Cooper a new mug of coffee, and bags the old cup for DNA testing. The cop who has to log the evidence also lets the crew know that the would-be assassin is their old adversary Ike “The Spike” Stadtler, and they have his location (it ain’t the Waldorf). Meanwhile, Agent Cooper fixates on an American flag in the corner, then a woman walking by in red shoes, who guides his gaze to an outlet on the wall.

In Buckhorn, Diane waits in the morgue lobby, furious that she can’t smoke a cigarette there, because of all places! But she finally has a signal. It’s Mr. C’s text. Detective Mackley summarizes the murder from the premiere, noting that the deceased librarian Ruth Davenport ran a blog with her suspected killer William Hastings (Matthew Lillard) about alternate dimensions. In the morgue, Constance Talbot reveals Briggs’ body to Gordon, Albert, and Preston with a smirk and her magician’s flourish. Albert observes the paradoxical age of the body, and Talbot’s mischievous smile widens. There’s an adorable spark between the two—Talbot holds her own against Albert’s acerbic commentary ("When did he lose his marbles?” "When the dog got his cat's-eyes"). The mortician also shows off the inscribed mystery wedding band, and Gordon decides that they need a sit-down with Hastings.

Following the revelation that Cooper was the last person to see his dad alive, Bobby Briggs takes Deputy Hawk and Sheriff Truman to his mother’s house. Betty Briggs reveals that Major Garland said that one day, the trio would come and ask her about Special Agent Dale Cooper. He requested that she give them a special item, so Betty moves to a red arm chair and removes a small metallic tube from a secret opening in the frame. She tells her son that his father always had faith in him, knowing that Bobby would come a long way from his brooding teenage days.

At the station, Truman and Hawk haplessly try to figure out the tube as Bobby chuckles, because he knows how it works. They step outside, and Bobby throws the tube to the ground. It reverberates with a hum and then quiets, prompting Bobby to chuck again. Inside the tube is a slip of paper instructing the reader to head 253 yards east of “Jack Rabbit’s Palace,” with a specific time (2:53) and dates (10/1, 10/2) listed. Jack Rabbit’s Palace was Bobby’s make-believe hideaway during his youth. Truman realizes that Major Briggs really foresaw all of this, and makes a plan to head to the area. However, he uncovers another slip, showing a series of numbers and slashes, with “Cooper/Cooper” amongst them. “Two Coopers!” Hawk exclaims.

Back in Buckhorn, Agent Preston has a face-to-face with Will Hastings, who breaks down as he details the findings of his blog. He and Ruth visited another place where they came upon Major Briggs, who told the pair that he was in “hibernation.” Lillard’s performance here makes a strong case for an Emmy nomination, as he fluctuates between his impassioned recounting of supernatural trips and sobbing over a vacation he wanted to take with Ruth. Hastings says that the Major requested a set of coordinates, which Ruth took down on her hand—which is attached to her missing torso. When Hastings and Ruth returned to the alternate dimension, it seems the Woodsmen of the last episode descended upon them, decapitating Briggs, murdering Ruth and coercing Hasting’s wife’s name by force. Successfully picking the Major’s face out of a series of photos that Preston gives, Hastings says Briggs’ head ascended, uttering, “Cooper, Cooper” before disappearing.

In Twin Peaks, Jerry Horne is still stuck in the woods, imagining—or not—his foot talking back to him. His brother Ben still hears a mesmerizing hum in his office as Beverly attempts to seize a romantic moment, but he turns her down. Ben’s son escapes his room and collides with the wall. Naturally, we end at the Roadhouse, where Sky Ferreira continues her 2017 acting streak as the track-marked, rotten-toothed Ella. She scratches a horrendous rash under her arm while bitching to her friend Chloe that she was fired from burger-flipping for being high. But damn, that rash won’t quit, even with the melodic voices of Au Revoir Simone to soothe.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Part 7 Recap: A Little Ditty ‘Bout Coop and Diane

By Caitlin Malcuit

In one of his dictograph monologues, Cooper recites to his off-screen secretary, “The trail narrows, Diane. I'm close, but the last few steps are always the darkest and most difficult.” He records this when the mystery of Laura Palmer’s death comes to a head, but the reveal of her killer ultimately causes the trail to widen. It veers off into multiple paths even all these years later, complex and overwhelming like the choking overgrowth of the Washington state forest bed. Welcome to Act II of “Twin Peaks: The Return.”

At the sheriff’s department, Hawk shows Frank Truman the pages yanked from the bathroom stall—they are indeed the missing pages from Laura Palmer’s secret diary that chronicled her long-suffering teenage years at the mercy of BOB. One page in particular details a dream she had of Annie Blackburn (Heather Graham—not resurfacing this season), foreseeing Cooper’s entrapment in the Black Lodge. Hawk can’t figure out how or why the pages got to the police station, but knows only a handful of people saw Cooper when he came out of the woods in the last series’ finale, including Harry Truman and Doc Hayward.

Frank tries to bring his brother up to speed over the phone, but he’s far too sick to sit through the call (Michael Ontkean, like Graham, opted not to return). Next on the list is Doc Hayward; Frank dials him up on Skype after twisting a pine knot, raising his desktop monitor through his desk. Hayward, played by Mark Frost’s late father Warren, remembers the night Cooper came back well, saying that he acted mighty strange the next morning, especially after he snuck out of intensive care in full dress. The Doc recalls seeing a strange face form on Cooper’s own visage.

In South Dakota, Lt. Knox (Adele Rene) is surprised to find that the hit on Major Briggs’ prints actually led to a body. Just when it seems clear that the body is Briggs, the coroner mentions that the corpse is only in its late 40s (Briggs would really be in his late 70s).

The FBI crew also jet back to South Dakota after Gordon and Albert plead with Diane (Laura Dern) to take a look at the guy in federal custody. Ten minutes, tops, are all she’ll give Cooper, she says, and with great anxiety, she raises the partition. Diane stands to face “Cooper,” who claims it’s good to see her again. She leans in, asking when the last time they saw each other was. “At your house,” he answers, but does he really remember that night? Diane says it’s one she’ll never forget. We’ve never known the extent of her and Cooper’s relationship beyond his tapes, romantic or otherwise. But Diane is the closest audience surrogate we have while Dale is in catatonia. She bellows, “Who are you?” at the weathered, soulless face of Bad Dale. She knows, like we do, that there’s a problem. Diane tells Gordon that man was not the Cooper she knows—it’s not time passing, change, or the way he looks—it’s something “here,” she cries, motioning to her heart.

Bad Cooper has a way of getting to people, and that’s certainly the case when he wants to chat with Warden Murphy (James Morrison). “Cooper” has dirt on him involving the dog leg, a mistress, and a man named Joe McCluskey, so the warden caves quickly in supplying a cheap rental car and the release of Ray Monroe rather than let face his own demons.

Speaking of cheap cars, Dougie Jones’ now-charred vehicle draws the attention of local law enforcement. Janey-E strolls in to pick up her husband, and guides Cooper through the questioning. The car was missing, yes, but it was found. It blew up and there are multiple fatalities, and that’s all Janey-E needs to know or care about because she’s out stressed enough as it is, goddamn it! She and her husband have to go home to their son, and he’s waiting for supper. As the pair leave Lucky 7 Insurance, the assassin who ice-picked Lorraine last week charges at Cooper with a gun. Cooper’s agent instincts kick in as he dispatches Ike “The Spike” in short order, judo-chopping his would-be killer’s throat as Janey-E pulls him off.

As Cooper comes closer to returning, Twin Peaks walks us through the town’s parallel inscrutables. Deputy Andy meets with the true owner of the truck that Richard drove during the accident; Jean-Michel Renault of the Bang! Bang! Bar keeps his family’s brothel business running; Ben Horne’s probably going to end up having an affair with his assistant Beverly (Ashley Judd). Like Ben’s brother Jerry, we may be lost in the woods and not know where we are (“I think I’m high!"), but the trail will narrow again.

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‘Twin Peaks’ Part 5 Recap: Shovel Yourself Out of the Shit

By Caitlin Malcuit

After two consecutive weeks of doubleheaders where just so much happens, we finally come to the part where not a whole hell of a lot happens in “Twin Peaks.” Almost a third of the way in, Part 5 doesn’t stray too terribly far from the arcs in motion, as it inches toward gathering more pieces of this seasons’ mystery. But it’s okay because this is, in David Lynch’s grand scheme, an 18-hour movie.

At the Rancho Rosa development in Las Vegas, Dougie’s abandoned car still sits, unexploded from the car bomb attached by the two goons who tried to cap him earlier. The assassins check in, reporting over the phone that the car’s still there, no lights are on in the house. On the other line, Lorraine (Tammie Baird) swears at them, anxious that she’s going to be killed over this botched job. She slams the phone down and texts “Argent” to a black box that rings out into a dim basement.

Poor Cooper has to face the 9-5 slog in his garish, oversized lime sport coat, as Janey-E gives him a ride to work. As she ties his tie, Janey-E goes over the logistics of paying their debt, but Coop’s not listening. He catches a glimpse of a vacant Sonny Jim Jones staring out, which causes Cooper’s face to soften and a tear to roll down his face. The music here is reminiscent of the “Twin Peaks” theme, coming in on a light and airy breeze as if Cooper seemingly rediscovers a message he once transcribed to his trusty Diane: “At a time like this, curiously, you begin to think of the things regret or the things you might miss.”

Cooper staggers to work, perplexed by brass statue of a cowboy pointing a gun. He also points, still in mimic mode, and heads off into the direction of the big glass building in front of him. At the elevator bank, Cooper follows a coffee-gophering colleague like a cartoon hovers after the aroma of a pie on a windowsill. He’s clamoring for the stuff, bogarts someone else’s cup and sucks it down like a baby drinks a bottle. He enters Lucky 7 Insurance.

Inside, coworker Tony, played by real-life bad person Tom Sizemore, tells “Dougie” that he’s covered his ass while he was on his three-day bender. Frank, who’s coffee was stolen, gets a green tea latte instead. He likes it!

At the meeting, a green light flickers on Tony’s face as they go over an insurance claim, saying it’s a legitimate. Cooper exclaims, “He’s lying,” which causes tension because it turns out Tony’s a star agent. This leads to a talking-to by the boss, which triggers some vague recollection on Cooper’s part when he hears “agent” and “case files,” the latter of which he gets a load to work on as punishment.

More happens in Vegas. At the Silver Mustang Casino, Supervisor Burns gets the ever-loving shit kicked out of him by brothers Bradley (Jim Belushi) and Rodney Mitchum (Robert Knepper), no doubt a nod to Robert Mitchum. Dougie’s car explodes after some punks try to steal it.

In Blackhorn, South Dakota, coroner Constance Talbot (Jane Adams) determines the cause of death of the headless John Doe body found with the head of librarian Ruth Davenport: someone cut his head off! “Here’s the headline,” she deadpans, because Constance is still doing stand-up on the weekends. She has much better material than the pilot of “I’m Dying Up Here” did. Anyway, the man hasn’t eaten for days, but she found a ring. It’s inscribed with the message, “To Dougie, with love, Janey-E.”

At the prison, bad Cooper takes a good long look in the mirror as his black-pupiled, soulless visage gives way to the visual confirmation that BOB in indeed in the body, and “that’s good.”

A drop of Cooper’s room key to a mailbox brings us back to Twin Peaks and the sunny delights of the RR Diner, where a young woman named Becky enters (Amanda Seyfried, also known for playing a dead girl on “Veronica Mars”). She some cash from Shelley as Norma Jennings (Peggy Lipton) watches with concern. “If you don’t help her now, it’s going to get a lot harder later.” Shelly concedes, “We both know that, don’t we,” as they were two members of the rotten husbands’ club.

Becky’s hops into her boyfriend’s car, a weasel shit named Steven (Caleb Landry Jones) who bombed his interview earlier in the day. The camera fixes itself on the dashboard, echoing Shelley and Bobby’s romance in the 1990 pilot. Steven takes out a vial of coke that he’s mostly finished, but despite her scolding, Becky helps herself to a little anyway. We’re plunged into Becky’s ecstasy in a fish eye and saturated shot as the tune of ‘60s tune “I Love How You Love Me” lilts around her.

We’re treated to the sight of Dr. Jacoby, who now has a public access television show as Dr. Amp, bellowing, “It’s seven o’clock, do you know where your freedom is?” He’s lighting the lamp of freedom, literally a diorama lamp with the Statue of Liberty—it’s like if Infowars was charming. Among his viewers are Jerry Horne lighting up, eye-patched Nadine (Wendy Robie) smiling. Jacoby flips to a pre-taped segment of himself shoveling out of literal shit, hawking his supply of gold shit-digging shovels. Only $29.99!

Some of the shit Twin Peaks has to shovel out if is its cocaine problem, perhaps buoyed by the new troublemaker sitting in the Bang! Bang! Bar. Smoking under a “No Smoking” sign, a young man (Eamon Farren) is warned to cut it out until Deputy Chad of the TPPD—who made fun of the Log Lady’s prophecy last week—steps in, assuring the bar staff that he’ll take it from here. Chad smirks and asks for a smoke; the young man offers the whole pack, popped open to reveal a wad of cash. This intrigues a group of women, and one, Charlotte, asks for a light. The young man tells her to sit down, and as she does, he grabs and starts to choke and harass her. It’s a wildly uncomfortable scene, punctuated by the honking saxophone pulsing through the club, and another pang that this show isn’t always so good to women.

At the Pentagon, Colonel Davis (Ernie Hudson!) is told that they’ve got another database hit on fingerprints for Major Garland Briggs from the police in Buckhorn, South Dakota. All signs point to the John Doe’s body belonging to Briggs. Davis is wary—this is the sixteenth hit on the prints in 25 years—but if it pans out, the FBI has to know.

In Buckhorn, Evil Dale Cooper gets one phone call, but is aware that he’s being taped. Staring at his captors through the camera, he darkly declares, “I know who to call,” as he punches the numbers. Soon, the prison is plunged into chaos, alarms blaring, lights flashing. Amid the cacophony, Bad Cooper says, ”The cow jumped over the moon,” and hangs up, ending the discord.  

In Buenos Aires, an Edison bulb lights the dingy dark basement. The camera pans down to the black box. It beeps twice, then shrinks. 

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