The Boneyard: How Important Are Movie Endings?

The Boneyard will feature the best of Daniel and Sean’s daily email chain twice a week. Yes, we broadened the definition of “best” to make this happen.

Sean: I am going to treat this email chain like a Moran orgy: Anything goes.

Daniel: (afraid to type anything)

Awkward email pause.

Daniel: How important is an ending to a book or movie? Is it the end all be all? Does it depend on the genre? How often does an ending stick out for you for being great? Not that often, right? Is that because it's so hard to stick the landing?

Sean: Endings mean nothing. The ending rarely sticks out for people. Endings may stick out if it was a bad move, a twist, or a very nicely shot scene. Otherwise, endings are nothing. You remember everything that happened before it. For me, the opening scene is where it’s at. You grab your audience and pull them in to your world and then you work at keeping them there. If they are in at the end, you've done your job. The ending matters if you are ending a series of some kind.

The only ending people truly remember is Free Willy because of the scene where the whale leaps over the kid. You think, 'What parent would be okay with this? That whale could drop from the sky and crush that child. Why are his parents not worried?!?!"

Daniel: Ha. You said Free Willy.

I agree. I'm much more inclined toward beginnings. Part of the reason is that I'm so much better at writing them. Setting up a world, a tone, and a character are easier than figuring out how to shut the curtain on all of the above. And twists suck. You have the occasional Sixth Sense or A Beautiful Mind, but what's the shelf life on those movies? I remember being blown away by A Beautiful Mind when I saw it in the theater (even before the twist). It was even one of the first DVDs I ever bought on my own. You know how many times I've watched it since I bought it? Once.But does that make it a bad movie? How much of a factor is re-watchability in how good or bad a movie is? Are Terrence Malick films (What the fuck was Tree of Life about? Seriously, what the fuck?) inherently bad because you can barely sit through one showing, never mind snooze to it on TBS on a Saturday afternoon? But don't those films you can get into channel flicking no matter where you pick up the action have something wrong with them if that's true?

Sean: A little rant on a A Beautiful Mind before I answer. I really enjoyed that movie when I first saw it. Then I read about the real John Nash and found out that during his "episodes" he would go on racist filled rants, he had more than one gay relationship, cheated on his wife who was Cuban and not white like in the movie. Good job Ron Howard! I would have loved to see that movie about a smart guy who goes crazy and starts screaming the N-word while making out with some guy while his Cuban wife watches from the sidelines. Tell me you would not watch the movie! Tell me!

But back to our topic. You’re right that movies with twist endings are only fun to watch the first time when you have no idea what is going to happen. After that, what is the point? You know what is going to happen next. The only other time you can watch a movie with a twist ending is when you are watching the movie with someone who has never seen it before and you watch their reaction to the big twist.

The re-watchable factor shouldn’t judge if a movie is good or bad (Tree of Life, what the hell is going there? How do you go from The Thin Red Line to Tree of Life? How?!?!). What makes a movie re-watchable is the connection you had to the movie when you first saw it. I don't like some movies because it reminds me of a bad date I went on, but others remind me of Friday nights spent my friends. I have a connection with Jingle All The Way because one afternoon my mom and I sat down and watched it together. Is it a good movie? No! It's awful! But if it’s on, I will watch it because I remember how my mom was happy and smiling when we watched it. A connection is what matters.

Would you re-watch an awful movie with someone who has never seen it just to talk about it with someone?

Daniel: I would 100% do that. I'm sure my girlfriend would say that happens all the time.

I love Jingle All the Way for a lot of the same reasons. My younger brother and I used to watch movies and television shows with my mom growing up which included a good number of chick flicks. For instance, One Fine Day. That movie is terrible and inaccurately depicts what it’s like to be a writer in New York City. I made a lot of bad career decisions based off of George Clooney's character. But I’ll always love it forever because I watched it with my mother and it made me fall even more in love with New York City. Plus, Michelle Pfeiffer is still throwing a 95 m.p.h. fastball.

Sean: I brought it up because I do it all the time. It's always good when you can vent your anger of a movie toward someone else who is in the same boat.

I have never seen One Fine Day all the way through. Go back and watch Batman Returns. Pfeiffer is purrrfect. Get it? She plays Catwoman.

It's good to have a connection to a movie like that. Having connection with bad movie or one that’s not your taste to it because of someone in your life makes it great.

On the flip side, you have the movies that are good, but you can’tenjoy because of something bad. I can't watch Black Swan because I saw it with an ex-girlfriend.

Daniel: Pfeiffer is a total badass in Batman Returns. In fact, Batman Returns holds up as a movie so much better than Tim Burton’s first Batman movie. I remember going to the movies and my younger brother and I were wearing matching Batman Returns hats. Some guy behind me told me to take it off. Fuck that guy fir ruining a perfectly good childhood moment. I spent a lot of the movie feeling bummed that guy was a dick.

But the penguin scene at the end blew my childhood mind. Which leads me to admit that I like Batman Forever because my older brother took us to go see it. He said we had to go pick something up for our father and we ended up at the movie theater. I loved every second of that movie. I still do. He took us to see Batman & Robin in a similar fashion, but I don't have the same love for that movie. Sometimes even nostalgia can't overcome a craptastic flaming turd.

Sean: Batman Returns is overlooked. And you are totally right that it stands up much better then the first one. The first one is hard to watch now. There are some scenes that just bleed early 1990s. The second, despite its oddball plot line, is not bad.

I like Batman Forever as well. I understand it's not as "dark" as the first two, but when it came out I enjoyed it and I still like it now. Val Kilmer is not a bad Bruce Wayne or Batman, he was just more detective Batman then action hero Batman. Batman & Robin is…awful. I saw it in theaters and I hated it then and I hate it now. I just can't watch it. It's not Batman.

And that was a really touching story up until the point the guy was a dick to you. Yeah, Robin should fuck that guy. 

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Dan’s Take: How Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt Made Me a Man

Dan’s Take: How Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt Made Me a Man

It was my Aunt Cathy who put Pitt in my hands for the first time. I had been watching her read at her kitchen table with her black coffee and cigarettes since before I could form complete sentences.

Writer's Bone Bloopers: Sean and Dan Can't Say Hello

Is it possible the outtakes from Writer’s Bone's intro video are better than the edited version?

No, no it is not. Sean and Dan are idiots.

However, enjoy watching Sean’s slow, bitter descent into testicular pain and Dan's giant head and his inability to keep a straight face for more than five seconds.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Dan’s Take: Why The West Wing’s Leo McGarry is the Perfect Spokesman for Johnnie Walker Blue

“I like the little things.”

God, the way John Spencer delivers that line in this clip from The West Wing, you can almost script the rest of what he’s about to say. You know it’s going to be ugly, vicious, and potentially career-ending. He practically howls it defensively and ashamedly. You see Leo McGarry’s life written across Spencer’s face and you forget he’s a fictional character.

But after delivering that line, Spencer lets loose a delivish smile. He then proceeds to describe a how it feels to hold a glass in a way that would make some adult film actors salivate. The camera then fades to the memory McGarry has been grappling in the entire episode. He looks absolutely defenseless as Mr. Belding offers him a glass of Johnnie Walker Blue. If someone were to drop a bottle of that on the street by accident, there would be a crowd of scotch lovers tonguing the sidewalk to ensure not a drop was wasted. Non-alcoholics would be hard-pressed to turn this down, but an alcoholic, nervous, and desperate politician? Jesus, setting the guy’s house on fire while taking a dump in his car couldn’t have caused more damage. Hence, he snaps at Johanna Gleason again when she tells him to get to the point.

“That’s what I remember.”

That’s what Spencer says when he has his first illicit sip. It’s so haunting because every first sip of scotch makes you think of all the sips that came before it. My college roommates got me a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black for my 21st birthday based on our love of this episode. It came with two rather nice glasses. I’ll never forget pouring the golden liquid over two ice cubes for the first time. It was as sexual an act as the one depicted in this clip. I believe I had a cigar with my buddy Steve-O that night as well. My mouth was deliciously alive with tobacco and alcohol. Maybe it tasted like I ate week-old cat litter the next morning, but the hour or two he and I spent drinking, smoking, and talking about life was well worth it.

“I don’t get drunk in front of people, I get drunk alone.”

Even if you haven’t seen the rest of the episode, you know what happens next. Anyone who has gone on a self-destructive bender knows the feeling of opening up a liquor cabinet and believing every ounce of booze is going to go down your throat. The consequences aren’t surprising because of how inevitable they become. Whether the world demands repayment immediately, or, as in McGarry’s case, fate decides on a reckoning at the worst possible moment in the future, the piper has to be paid in full.

Spencer was one of the main reasons The West Wing was so great—and why it remains my favorite television show of all time. He had a career’s worth of fantastic moments on the show, but this scene might have topped the list. It’s probably closely followed by the scene at the end of the episode:

“That was awfully nice of you.”

That’s redemption as smooth as Johnnie Walker Blue.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Sean’s Take: Harlan Ellison Is An Asshole I Can Agree With

Harlan Ellison

Harlan Ellison

I hate Harlen Ellison.

Eh, that is way too harsh of me to say for a man I’ve never met and a man who has more skills as a writer than most. He is so skilled that if he was in a coma he would still produce better work than most current writers. With that said, I get annoyed with Harlen Ellison very easily. I hear him speak and can feel the rage building inside of me. The man is smart, skilled, and well-spoken, but he’s also arrogant, short tempered, and has an ego big enough to make Kanye West seem humble. He also is known for blowing up at his fans and, while some may find this part of his charm, I believe it makes him look like someone I would like to call “a dick.”

Not familiar with Harlan Ellison? That’s a shame. He’s considered one of the most influential science fiction writers of the 20th Century. He has won countless Hugo Awards, Edger Allan Poe Awards, and every other writing award under the sun. He penned “The City on the  Edge of Forever” one of the most acclaimed Star Trek stories ever produced.  Award winning author Neil Gailman considers him one of the best writers of all time. Also, Ellison is known to be a loud mouth prick who frequently sues anyone and everyone. This includes James Cameron over the copyright to “The Terminator” and he is the guy responsible for having BB gun ads removed from the back of comics. Thanks a lot, Harlan!

Do I like Ellison’s writing? Not really. It isn’t because I dislike him personally, but because his writing is slow-paced and I tend to get bored. That doesn’t mean he is not a fantastic writer, but he’s just not my kind of writer. I still respect the man and in this case I need to agree with him. In this clip from his documentary “Dreams with Sharp Teeth,” Ellison tells a rage-filled tale about how Warner Brothers asked him to do an interview for a DVD for free.

Below is a transcript of Ellison describing his conversation with the poor soul on the other end of the phone:

I say: [voice rising] You gotta pay me! She said: [injecting a little femininity] Well, everybody else is just, you know, doing it for nothing. I said: well everybody else may be an asshole, but I’m not. I said: By what right would you call me and ask me to work for nothing? Do you get a pay check? Well, yes. I say: [Getting increasingly excited and stumbling over his words] Does you boss get a pay check? Do you pay the telecine guy? Do you pay the cameraman? Do you pay the cutters? Do you pay the teamsters when they schlep your stuff on the trucks? Then how—don’t you pay U—then how d… [becomes briefly incoherent]…Would you go to a gas station and expect free gas? Would you go to the doctor and have him take out your spleen for nothing? How dare you, call me and expect me to work for nothing!

Now, I feel bad for the woman on the other end of the line because I know she must look like a shell-shocked solider from World War I. She’s probably curled into a ball on the floor muttering to herself and shaking, but Ellison is on the right side here. Sure, a DVD interview may help Ellison get his face out to the public and gain a few new readers or win some old ones back, but Ellison is producing content for Warner Brothers to help them sell a product that they will make money off of. Who helped them make money from that product? Ellison did. Ellison, for all his yelling, name calling, and asshole-like behavior made a very valid point:

If a writer produces content, they should get paid.

Pay the writer!

Hold on. Dan, how much am I getting paid for this?

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

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Our podcast & blog will be up and running shortly. 

In the meantime, here's what #writing should look like:

Are you an inspiring writer? Seriously, put down the Ramen noodles and pay attention. If you're looking for an outlet for your material, maybe Writer's Bone is the perfect home for you. To submit a post for consideration, email writerbone@gmail.com. 

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