The Boneyard: Bring Back 'Legends of the Hidden Temple!'

Writer's Bone will now be referred to as the Blue Barracudas 

From the desk of Stephanie Schaefer: "What show or movie from your childhood needs a modern re-boot? And which classics need to be left alone?"

Robert Hilferty: I'd love to a modern version of "Pirates of the Dark Water." That show had a lot of potential and just died on the vine. Also, if it could be turned into a more adult version I'd love to see "Are You Afraid of the Dark." Basically I just want "Tales from the Crypt" back but still...

Sean Tuohy: I'm with Rob on that one,” Tales From the Crypt” should come back.

Stephanie Schaefer: I want to see a “Full House” reunion only to marvel over the fact that Aunt Becky and Uncle Jesse have not aged, and adorable Michelle Tanner now looks like a homeless bag lady.

Daniel almost got up and left dinner last night when I told him I wanted to see a “D4: The Mighty Ducks” with Charlie in Coach Bombay's role...

And a “Legends of the Hidden Temple” reboot would be cool too.

Daniel Ford: I believe my exact words were: "What stories are there left to tell in that series???"

What sucks is that all the stuff I loved as a kid did comeback. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, Indiana Jones, etc. Part of me is like, "Leave my childhood alone!!" and another part of me is like, "I can totally get on board with “Back to the Future 4” with Doc in an insane asylum in the future and Marty has to leave his job as a food service clerk to go rescue him.

Matt DiVenere: Is it just me, or would a series of Goosebumps movies be amazing. Can you imagine with today's technology some of the craziness that was created in that series?

And I agree with Steph. I think there is plenty of opportunity for a D4. Charlie coaching his kid's pee wee team and they run into a team coached by the main line from the Hawks in the state championship? They lose to them in the regular season so Charlie gets the old Ducks together in order to teach the kids how to play like a team and beat them? Goldberg and the Cat helping the goalie, the Bash Brothers helping the two very big, bad skaters learn how to be tough, Averman teaching the team prankster some tricks? And, of course, a remake of the Bombay missed penalty shot for Charlie's son at the end of the game to win it with Bombay watching from the stands?

In other words, sign me up as a writer for the fourth and let's get this done.

Daniel: You would need several piles of cash, drugs, and hookers for Joshua Jackson to say yes to this. And it would still be terrible. No. Just no. But I like the idea of a Goosebumps series. But it needs to be better written than the actual books.

Cristina Cianci: I'm with Steph all the way, yes, yes, and yes. Blue Barracudas is our new family name.

Robert: Yeah, I can also get behind a new “Legends of the Hidden Temple.” Why not bring back “Guts” and “Nick Arcade” while we're at it.

Daniel: Mike O'Malley clearly has time. That guy says yes to everything. I loved “Guts.”

Ditto for “Double Dare.” Scott Summers can't be busy. The pizza-flag challenge in the final Double Dare will always be my favorite. How about a reboot of “Salute Your Shorts?” I don't want a reunion because I'm sure most of the cast is dead or on drugs. Ditto for “Hey Dude.”

Lindsey Wojcik: Marc Summers! He's hanging out on the Food Network these days.

Daniel: I have not gotten a name right in weeks.

Dave Pezza: I would be first in line to participate in what should be the adult version of “Legends of the Hidden Temple!” And they should make all four teams the Blue Barracudas because, let's be honest, who in their right mind would pick any other team?!

Daniel: Pezza and I have been watching/listening to an old episode of “Legends of the Hidden Temple.” It does not age well. It arguably has the worst host in recorded history.

And it's still awesome.

Lisa Carroll: Having studied Goosebumps and all things R.L. Stein in a class for my masters I agree…the formulaic, simple nature lends itself to a series of spooky shows. I already own a few Goosebumps movies from my days as a middle school English teacher but I think they'd do well with today's zombie-loving thrill-seeking tween set.

Probably dating myself but I loved “Quantum Leap” back in the day... I picked up Season 1 on DVD at the library to share with my 13-year-old daughter and although the concept was great she was not impressed.

Much like my struggle with “Dr. Who.”

I think anything sci-fi from my day pretty much sucked because of a lack of special effects (except “Star Wars”) and most reboots of those shows/movies are much better visually (except “Star Wars”). I am a huge Marvel fan so I love the new development of those stories and the addition of “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

The Boneyard: Guilty Pleasures

From the desk of Writer’s Bone contributor Lisa Carroll: "What are your guilty pleasures? Writing, television shows, movies that lack literary or screen merit that you love anyway?"

Rachel Tyner: “Charmed!”

Daniel Ford: So I made fun of my former roommate for buying the complete "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" television series and then watching said series. I'd be reading my book in the same room, convincing myself that I wasn't enjoying it. Seven seasons later--plus five more of the "Angel" spinoff series--and...well...yeah. Freaking love that show.

Matt DiVenere: I enjoyed watching “Scrubs,” which I was ridiculed over in college. And for those of you who watched the show, I refused to watch its "last season" where the main characters became teachers or something like that.

Daniel: What school did you go to where people made fun of you for watching "Scrubs?"

Lindsey Wojcik: I need to know, otherwise, I cannot contribute to a list in which "Scrubs" is considered a guilty pleasure. I hold that show near to my heart. In fact, so did the other editors at my college's student newspaper. "Guy Love" was the theme song for some of our male editors' relationships.

Matt: It was sad to say the least. It seems as though some people didn't appreciate the humor. So I watched it every night before I went to bed in my room alone. Worth it.

Cristina Cianci: “Boy Meets World” for the win! Hands down. Preferably, Seasons 1 through 5. Or any “Twilight Zone “episode.

Dave Pezza: How about every “Twilight Zone” episode. “Twilight Zone” invented television twists. Maybe George R.R. Martin should watch some episodes and take some notes. “The Twilight Zone” is my favorite television show of all time, and it is quite possibly the best written television show of all time. It earned four Emmy nominations and won two (remember that this a science fiction show created in the 1950s). Rod Serling pioneered series television writing in a way that we might never see again. He hit on controversial topics of the period like nuclear holocaust, the Red Scare, and the dangers of ubër American nationalism. Try to find a television series today that offers that kind of range. Again, all this from a science fiction show!

Robert Hilferty: “Twilight Zone” is legitimately good. No way it qualifies as a guilty pleasure.

Stephanie Schaefer: “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.”

Daniel: Does “The Princess Bride” qualify as a guilty pleasure?

Lindsey: “The Princess Bride” has a pretty large cult following, no?

Dave: "As you wish."

Daniel: I think it has a following period. I think people like that movie. But I remember watching it when it first came out and loving it. I wanted to be Ben Savage.

Lindsey: Good to see both Savage brothers made our guilty pleasure list, but Daniel, I think you're confusing them. Fred Savage was in “The Princess Bride.” Ben was the beloved Cory Matthews.

Daniel: They are interchangeable in my mind.

Lisa Carroll: Okay, “The Princess Bride” is brilliant.

I love “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” any romantic comedy (for example, “Sweet Home Alabama,” “This Means War,” “The Proposal”), and girl comedies like “Legally Blonde,” “Miss Congeniality.”

Some other favorites include “There's Something About Mary,” super-classic “Johnny Dangerously,” “Uncle Buck,” and any Chris Farley movie.

I just read the "Beautiful Mess" trilogy, which was written by a former theater student of mine (T.K. Leigh) and it's what prompted my original question. It won't win a Pulitzer, but it was engaging and smutty and had a pretty darn good twist at the end. I couldn't put it down much like the Twilight series, which I read straight through (and was once chastised by my husband for reading it while sitting on the edge of the tub while my toddler took her bath) despite my utter hatred for the vapid and shallow Bella because I needed to know how it would end.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

The Boneyard: Are All Books Better Than The Movie?

This post features men arguing about "The Notebook." You've been warned.

From the desk of Lindsey Wojcik: Are all books better than the movies based on them? What are some examples where the opposite is true? What movies should have remained books all together?

Lisa Carroll: In general, the book is better.

However, the movie “The Notebook” was much better than the book. And I haven't seen the movie. I just hated the book and everyone I know loves the movie.

I hate when I read a book and then I see the movie and then I read the sequel and all I can picture are the actors. Forgotten are the magical beings I'd created in my head the first time around. I wish I could record that experience!

A book is a personal shared experience between an author and a reader. We create the vision in our heads and it is uniquely ours. The author gives us the words and we imagine the rest. I enjoy a good movie, but there really is no experience like reading a book and diving headlong into the world that you create with the author.

P.S. “The Scarlet Letter” with Demi Moore should be banned from the planet. Just my opinion. Except that I loved when my students would write an essay about the book and include the scene where Hester and Dimmesdale ride happily into the sunset...yeah, that happened.

Hassel Velasco: I'd like to say the “True Blood” series (up to season 4) are a lot better than the books they're based on. Can't think of any movies that fall under that category. Most movies based on books tend to be equal or less compared to their book counterparts.

Daniel Ford: Movies based on John Irving novels (with the exception of “The Cider House Rules”) tend to prove why great books should remain as such. “Simon Birch?” Good god. A Prayer for Owen Meany is a masterpiece. “Simon Birch” is what Sean likes to call "a heap."

This might anger a few people, but “The Lord of the Rings” movies are way better than the books. Everything they chose to keep and cut was flawless (I don't want to hear about that Tom guy in the first book. He sucks). “The Hobbit” movies...not so much.

A lot of Elmore Leonard books tend to make great movies because his dialogue is so sharp. The “Justified” series far outshines everything Raylan has been in on the page (although Pronto is pretty damn good).

And even I have to admit that “The Notebook" nails it.” Way better than the book. Sure, McAdams character sleeps with everyone, but still. I'm a sucker for James Garner.

Rachel Tyner: “The Notebook” definitely nails it. But Daniel, wait, McAdams character sleep with everyone!? In the movie!? She does not. Or is this something from the book I just don't remember? I remember reading the book and being so underwhelmed which is a bummer because the movie is so perfect.

Also “He's Just Not That Into You” is 10,000 times better than the book.

The “Harry Potter” series is very tricky. Obviously, I am going to say the books are better because they are nearer and dearer to my heart, but the movies are really good as well. If I had to live without one or the other forever I would drop the movies in a heartbeat.

I agree about “True Blood.” I started the books before the show was out and actually really enjoyed them in a guilty pleasure sort of way. They truly were terribly written. I haven't watched the show, but again it's something everyone is obsessed with so I assume it's good.

Lindsey Wojcik: I asked this question furious from a recent experience reading Jodi Picoult's amazing My Sister's Keeper, then being horribly disappointed with the film. I want that time back I spent watching Cameron Diaz and Alec Baldwin trying to portray characters I had become deeply invested in, but I'd happily spend every hour re-reading Picoult's words.

I'm often irked when major plots in the book are different on screen, as was the case with "My Sister's Keeper." Initially, I felt the same about "The Devil Wears Prada" because I fell so in love with that book that any minor changes book's plot in the movie enraged me. Over the years, I've really come to appreciate Meryl Streep's Miranda, and while I will never say it was better than the book, I will say the movie was done well and has since found a place in my heart.

How could I forget “He's Just Not That Into You”? Rachel nailed that. The whole concept "he's just not that into you" was revolutionary on "Sex and the City," at least for Miranda's character. When the book came out, I was in college—which was a tougher dating period for me than high school—I thought it would be so empowering. But it wasn't. It tried so hard to be, but Greg Behrendt's concept just didn't translate as a self-help book for women, even with Liz Tuccillo as his co-writer. The movie, however, didn't try too hard to give advice in snarky ways. It wasn't a ground-breaking film, but it told the stories of several couples, instead of straight up "He's not into you if he's not having sex with you." Stories are powerful, and I think that's why some movies spawned from self-help books are better than the books.

Daniel: You would not believe the abuse I've been getting from Dave Pezza for reading and watching “The Notebook”…and then admitting to reading several other works by Nicholas Sparks. I have a soft side and I embrace it.

Dave Pezza: Ugh, please Daniel, save it for your Opera's book club meeting.

Daniel: *Oprah. You can't even diss someone without needing an editor.

Dave: Dammit.

Sean Tuohy: What's wrong with reading a romantic book? And what is wrong with liking "The Notebook"? It’s a good story. Rachel: I don't want to say this is the first argument three men have gotten into about “The Notebook,” but it is quickly becoming the most heated.

Hassel:

But Rachel McAdams....

Sean: "The Notebook” is the same thing as porn. It shows unrealistic moments, but both are enjoyable and both should not be watched in your grandparent's bedroom.

Rachel: Never forget.

Dave: If you want to talk about soft sides and romance, let's talk about "Casablanca," one the best and most romantic movies ever made, featuring a real love triangle with real individuals.

Daniel: GIFs have been introduced. Now we've got a kickass email chain.

Ah, “Casablanca.” My god, that movie is perfect. Quotable lines, great story, shot beautifully, and you ache each minute the two star-crossed lovers share a scene together.

Plus, Nazis.

Also, "No Country for Old Men" might be better than the book. The book is good, but the performances in the movie really take it to another level.

Dave: I concur with Daniel on “Casablanca.”

Daniel: 

Sean: 

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Tunes and Loons: The Top 5 Musical Numbers From 'The Simpsons'

By Sean Tuohy

"The Simpsons" is filled with knee slapping and heartwarming moments, but the best moments for the yellow skinned family are the moments when they break into song and dance. In classic, over-the-top musical fashion, the show created toe tapping tunes that would get stuck in your head for days or years to come.

With an assist from my friend Michael Foley, I created a list of the top five musical numbers from "The Simpsons."

Please note: It is really hard to good quality video and audio for these songs, so I posted just the song with no video.

"See My Vest"

Oh, we see you there  Mr. Burns! Yes, the evil madman who runs the power planet is also a wannabe Broadway singer and dancer.

The Stonecutters

Who loves this song???! We do! When Homer joins secret group of power brokers they do what any power hungry song would do: break out in to song and dance.

"Monorail"

I don't have to explain.

"The Garbage Man Can"

He can do so much and there is no stopping him! When family man Homer runs for office, he soon bites off more than he can chew, which he explains to us in this triumphant number.

"We Put the Spring In Springfield"

Ah, you put the "ha" in my "hahaha" Springfield. This number explains how a new brothel is a good thing for the small all-American town.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Thank You For Podding: 5 Authors For Friday

By Daniel Ford and Sean Tuohy

Sean and I don’t spend a lot of time looking back.

We’ll rejoice when a podcast or post goes viral (much like our latest interview with horror author Brian Keene and Prickly Pear: 10 Great Moments From Richard Schiff’s Toby Ziegler On ‘The West Wing’ did), but we know our next great moment is ahead of us, not behind us.

However, it’s good to take stock every now and again. After I read Sean’s moving tribute to Maya Angelou, I knew we had to move up that post to Thursday, which gave us an opening in today’s schedule. It seemed like the perfect time to roundup five of our top downloaded podcasts.

Thanks to all the authors, screenwriters, and bookworms who have come on the podcast and graciously spent some time with two young, up-and-coming writers!

James Rollins

“I shot this guy in the head, what do I do now?"

Daniel: I read “The Kill Switch” in two days following this interview. Rollins pulled off a special agent-military working dog and then some.

Sean:  I am really surprised I didn't turn total fan boy during this interview. I have been a huge Rollins fan for years now so getting a chance to talk to him and find out he is really cool was a great moment.

Tim Dorsey

"So let me tell you a story about a T-bird and a Presidential motorcade."

Sean: This interview made me very home sick for Cuban Sandwiches, sun-soaked beaches, and the craziness that is the Sunshine State.

Daniel: I left this interview very worried for humanity in Florida and hungry for a Cuban sandwich.

Craig Johnson

“My wife says, “Walt is who Craig wants to be in 10 years, but he's off to an awfully slow start.”

Sean: I am pretty sure that Johnson is Walt Longmire.

Daniel: I could listen to Johnson tell stories all day. I envy his writing routine on his ranch in Wyoming beyond words.

Rebecca Cantrell

"The first thing I would do if I met Hannah Vogel is apologize."

Daniel: Cantrell was genuinely enthusiastic about being on our podcast, and sincerely wanted us to do well in those early days. She’s a Writer’s Bone favorite for life.

Sean: Rebecca is awesome. She is smart, funny, and one of the nicest people to be on the show. I really enjoyed speaking to her and learning more about the craft.

Charles Ardai From Hard Case Crime

“Ignore rejection.”

Sean:  Ardai helped shape my childhood by help publishing so many great noir authors. Also, Daniel and I totally high-fived when the interview was done.

Daniel: We watched “Bosch” while waiting for Ardai to call in as our first interview. That show is, and still is, awful.

For more podcasts, check out our full archive. 

The Boneyard: Our Favorite Canceled Television Shows (and the Shows We Can’t Believe Are Still on the Air)

"Life As We Know It"

Sean Tuohy’s “Enlisted” post earlier this week prompted Rachel Tyner to ask the Writer’s Bone crew what television show they loved, but was canceled before it had a chance to catch on. She also asked what show should have been short-lived, but is somehow still television.

Stephanie Schaefer: There was a show called “Life as We Know It.” I think it was your typical teen-drama and I forget the exact plot of the show (probably why it was cancelled), but I do remember Rachel and I had a crush on the main character (Sean Faris). I guess Rachel has a thing for guys named Sean ;)

Daniel Ford: I need a ruling. "Life" was technically on for two seasons, but it should have gotten way more praise and episodes than it did. Not only did it showcase the great Damian Lewis and Donal Logue, but had a cool premise and made me briefly consider becoming a Buddhist. Can I still use the show as my answer?

Stephanie: No.

Rachel Tyner: “Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23!” Two seasons, wish it was 75.

Sean Tuohy: Yeah, I agree with Daniel about “Life.” It had two seasons, but during the second season they reset the clock and it went back to season one. It was weird. That was a good show.

And I agree with Rob about “2 Broke Girls.” That show is awful. The cast is good, which is what is sad about it. They are really good.

I never saw “Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23,” but I have heard good things (from Rob and Rachel).

Daniel: “2 Broke Girls” is so awful. On so many levels. And it's still a popular television show. Come on America.

Matt DiVenere: Well, other than my failed attempt to help “Surviving Jack” stay on television, this one is easy. “Cavemen” on ABC. Yes, the one that was made based on the Geico commercial cavemen.

I actually paid for one of the only copies of the entire series from some dude who lives in Florida. It was cancelled after just four episodes but the rest of the season was played in Australia. Don't ask how I know any of this information.

The humor is perfect. It involves Nick Kroll from “The League” as one of the cavemen. I randomly found the entire series on YouTube my junior year of college and everyone at my school watched it religiously because of how funny it is. If you don't laugh hysterically when you watch the Geico cavemen commercial where the caveman is using a metal detector on the beach, finds a key chain that has a Geico keychain on it and then throws it angrily away, then you have no sense of humor whatsoever.

What show can I not believe is still on television? “American Idol.” The entire show is rigged. It was a way to save the music industry created by some big wig at a record company that also owns stock in FOX. They created the show, have an artist already picked out that will "win" before any of the other people tryout. It's an easy way to market a new artist in a time where music was being stolen online and not being paid for.

If you don't believe me, check out the timeline compared to the decline of hard copy CD sales. Then look at post-"American Idol" numbers. If you need more proof, I dare you to name any of the winners from the past five seasons.

Lindsey Wojcik: I fell madly in love with “Up All Night” when it premiered in 2011. Christina Applegate, Will Arnett, Maya Rudolph, and creator Emily Spivey made magic that first season with the relatable storyline of a hardworking and incredibly-still-in-love married couple navigating parenthood for the first time. Applegate, Arnett, and Rudolph were the recipe to comedic success during the first 24 episodes, and Spivey led the way. Applegate and Arnett's characters mirrored what I imagined my boyfriend and I would be like as parents someday. Plus, it was just really funny. NBC saw potential in the series and picked it up for a second season. While the show had modest ratings and great reviews, the fourth-ranked network was not satisfied. NBC's executive branch wanted to change the format from single-camera to multi-camera, and that's where the show’s demise began. Applegate left. Spivey left. And the show ended during its second 11-episode season.

Tell me: Why must networks mess with a good thing again? If the network hadn't messed with UAN, maybe we wouldn't have the “Maya Rudolph Show” and “The Millers.” I'd be ok with that.

I'm with everyone on “2 Broke Girls” as a show that's been on way past its shelf life. And I'll add the now-cancelled "Whitney" to it. How that series got a second season is beyond me. It was just awful. I truly believe multi-camera shows "taped in front of a live audience" are a dying art. If you don't get them right now, it's never going to work. Whitney didn't work and “2 Broke Girls” still does not. But CBS is number one, so what do I know?

Daniel: Matt's Writer's Bone membership is on probation.

Dave Pezza: One word to trump all: "Firefly." Boom.

And “2 Broke Girls” is the biggest pile of shit currently on television.

Stephanie: I agree with Lindsey! I thought “Up All Night” was cute.

Rachel: “2 Broke Girls” sucks and Sean Faris was so hot in "Life As We Know It." But so true that I have no idea what the show is about...

Matt: I will gladly go on probation to defend “Cavemen.”

Yes, “2 Broke Girls” sucks. “Yes, Up All Night” was good thanks to Maya.

By the way, “Dads” on FOX was really good too. A bit too adult for the network, but could have been great on FX.

Daniel: “Cavemen” and “Dads?” Matt, you've set us back years here.

Matt: What can I say, I enjoy thoughtless comedies. I don't always want to think.

Robert Hilferty: I've got to say that going back all the way to 2007 there was this show, "The Black Donnellys" which 2007-me thought was just the coolest thing ever. Irish and Italian crime drama with a sensitive artist kid being pushed into the role of criminal mastermind? Loved it. Seven episodes later it was cancelled. I thought my DVR broke.

As for shows that should have been put out early can I say “The Simpsons?” I love the first 11.5 seasons but now it's just a shambling corpse of something I used to love. Can I specifically say new episodes of “The Simpsons?” Is that a thing?

And as a lover of "Commando" I can't argue with thoughtless fun. Comedies though...

Dave: Nailed it! I found the "The Black Donnellys" on DVD a few years back, and everyone I knew borrowed it at some point. Another spectacular show NBC dropped the ball on.

Stephanie: I remember thinking a show called "Maybe It’s Me" from a former writer from Frasier was funny in middle school or high school.

Hassel Velasco Torres: Has anyone mentioned the Stephan Merchant created "Hello Ladies" yet?

If not, please watch the one season on HBO, it's one of the most painfully awkward shows but it's pretty amazing. They got bumped after one season to make room for “Silicon Valley,” also a good show, rumors of them coming back for Christmas special are flying but nothing is certain.

Stephanie: “How to Make it In America” was also good, but only aired 16 episodes on HBO. Technically it was two seasons, but it was cut too short.

Daniel: "Freaks and Geeks" also in the pantheon. But maybe perfect the amount of episodes it lasted. More of that show might have messed with the magic. Ditto for "Undeclared."

I’m also going to go out on a limb and say Lisa Carroll dislikes "Parks and Recreation" because of its satire of libraries.

Lisa: I am ashamed to say that I only recently started watching "Parks and Recreation" last month.  I went to college with Amy Poehler and I felt guilty for never watching it. I'm through two whole episodes so I have yet to encounter any library satire. They are currently building a park on an abandoned lot.  When I catch up I'll certainly let you (and Amy) know of my disdain.

And, as an aside, I appreciate all the suggestions for shows I should watch.  I'm looking forward to summer vacay so I can catch up on reading and television.

P.S. “American Idol” is crap.  

Daniel: Wait. You went to school with Amy Poehler? 

Lisa: There's probably a whole chapter in her upcoming about how I beat her out for the role of Meg Brockie in “Brigadoon" in 1991, which is why she steered clear of musical theater.  

Or it's just a bigger deal in my head given her mild success in the performing arts industry.

Look for the full story on that on Monday!

Let us know your answers to this Boneyard question in the comments section or tweet us @WritersBone.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Laughter Now Boarding: Why ‘Wings’ Will Always Be One of My Favorite Television Shows

The cast of "Wings"

By Daniel Ford

As a kid, summers meant Wiffle ball games in the backyard, homemade Caesar salads for lunch, and watching reruns of “Wings” on USA from 11 a.m. to noon with my younger brother.

I loved the show so much in fact that I neglected “Cheers” up until about a year ago—when I powered through 11 seasons of brilliance in just a couple of months. I’ve heard my father belly laugh during plenty of movies and television shows, but never quite as much as when we watched “Wings.” Tony Shalhoub’s down-on-his-luck cabbie Antonio Scarpacci remains one of his favorite characters of all time.

What’s weird is that this show appears more dated than its predecessor “Cheers” and its companion/successor “Frasier.” Setting aside the 1990s attire and haircuts, “Wings” features gags that involve phonebooks, $65 portable cassette players, and mail order catalog brides. Not to mention, it also depicts a version of air travel that doesn’t exist today thanks to post-9/11 security concerns. Unlike the workplace comedies that came before and after it, “Wings” can’t be mistaken for being set in any other era than the 1990s.

Despite that, the show’s brotherly bonding, workplace shenanigans, witticisms of bumpkin Lowell Mather, and a strong ensemble made up of actors and actresses that seem to actually like each other keep it funny and fresh.

With Stephanie Schaefer traveling abroad in Spain, I’ve devoted much my spare time to re-watching the show and picking out some of my favorite moments. I quickly found out that video clips of “Wings” are hard to come by. I wasn’t able to find my true favorite scenes—Lowell standing on top of a bell tower yelling at his promiscuous wife Bunny, Antonio’s priest making the sign of the cross at a picture of the world’s ugliest baby, the gang discussing the smelliest days in history after being duped by Roy to dig a hole in his backyard for his Jacuzzi, Kasey (Helen’s sister) and Brian burning down Joe and Helen’s house, Antonio’s first appearance as the head waiter of an Italian restaurant during a star-crossed Valentine’s Day episode, the old guy in the strip joint who yelled, "He screwed me blue," the Hackett brothers destroying their childhood home right before it was saved from being condemned, and Antonio yelling, “Talk to me pizza man!”—but here are some of the funny ones I did unearth:

Bring Me Some Heat

I constantly debate which is more awesomely bad throughout the series: Brian’s shirts or his ties.

This is also what some of my catches with my brothers look like. Getting old blows.

Ugliest Dance Partners Ever

A classic sitcom premise, but I can’t remember a more mismatched pair of dance partners.

Italian Design

Brian: “This is a game? I thought I’d died and gone to the boring part of hell.”

Gets me every time.

Something, Something, Something

Such a great guy moment. Tim Daly nails being an awkward, yet confident, guy trying to ask a woman out.

Stupid Men

“I like my men stupid.”

Wings - I Like My Men Stupid by AllisonSNLKid

Who’s Hoo-Hah?

Hoo-hahs are always funny.

Wings - Whatsits and Hoo-Hahs by AllisonSNLKid

Welcome to Nantucket

One of the truly great intros the show only used for the first couple seasons. Wings Intro Theme

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Jack Attack: 5 Moments From Jack Donaghy On '30 Rock'

 By Sean Tuohy

The world knows perfection.

The world knows Jack Donaghy.

For seven wonderful seasons, the NBC executive with the steely blue eyes and the voice of a god allowed us to look upon him and rejoice. To pick only five moments that sum of Alec Baldwin's Jack Donaghy is nearly impossible, so I chose the top five moments that allow us to best understand who Jack is. If you haven't watched Tina Fey's "30 Rock" stop reading this because I hate you.

I kid! I kid!

But you should go watch this show!

Therapy! 

If all therapy could be like this we would all be better people.

What Am I?

It's after six.....

It's Winning Time

You ready for this?!?! Oooh yeah! You ready! WOOHOO!!!

The Land Down Under

Don't ya wish you spoke a second language like this man.

Oh, Mother!

No son ever wants to learn this about their mother. Ever!

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Prickly Pear: 10 Great Moments From Richard Schiff’s Toby Ziegler On ‘The West Wing’

Richard Schiff as Toby Ziegler

By Daniel Ford

I once had a conversation with Richard Schiff on Twitter that still brings a smile to my face whenever I think about it.

“@danielfford: @MSchechter @richard_schiff Every scene with them is perfect.” kind of you to say

— Richard Schiff (@Richard_Schiff) September 1, 2012

“@danielfford: . @Richard_Schiff is one of the reasons I love The West Wing. "Were you distracted by a bumble bee?"”Don't remember reference

— Richard Schiff (@Richard_Schiff) September 1, 2012

Yes, I also proved what a huge nerd I am for “The West Wing.”

I always want to be like Bradley Whitford’s character Josh Lyman—cool, brash, desired by Janel Moloney’s Donna Moss—but my personality matches better with Schiff’s Toby Ziegler. He plays the tortured, cranky, and self-doubting writer and political operative pitch perfectly and makes you root for the character even when he’s driving you crazy.

Choosing my favorite scenes from the show is tough, but choosing my favorite Toby Ziegler scenes proved damn near impossible. But I finally settled on these 10 to share with the Writer’s Bone audience. Feel free to share your own favorites in the comment section or tweet us @WritersBone.

Don’t Bring Me Half A Thing

“Get one. Have an idea.”

I’m inspired every time I hear it. This clip should be in any editor’s holster where it can be quickly pulled and fired at a writer struggling to come up with ideas. Joshua Molina’s line at the end provides perfect comic relief and reveals why Toby is crankier than usual. As with most writers, it’s about a woman.

Hater-Aide 

#nailedit

Pool Side Manner

I know it’s coming and I laugh every time.

Drunk West Wing Writers

Drunk Toby singing the “M*A*S*H” theme song while trying to wrestle his scotch glass away from Dulé Hill’s Charlie Young…I mean…I can’t.

Panda Power

Toby’s good mood—which he’s not even enjoying—is ruined by Panda bears. Panda bears. (Starts at the 1:30 mark)

Suck It Vegans!

“It’s a bowl of weeds.”

Eating a salad is fine if it’s covered in barbeque sauce and falls off the bone. As in, it’s actually a rib and not a salad. That’s the only way it’s tasty and filling. No one needs to know the names.

Walk It Off

I need a whole show of Richard Schiff hitting things with a big stick.

Defining A President

Not much better than two estranged friends getting together to bicker. I’d say this will be Sean Tuohy and I one day, but we’d both be Toby, so it wouldn’t work. We’d silently brood at each other at a Starbucks before wetting ourselves.

Suck It FAA!

Toby started the push to have stupid, inane, and clueless FAA regulations changed. Atta boy!

he Art of Delegating

Josh goes for the joke and Toby burns him!

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

D'oh! 5 Jokes From 'The Simpsons' That Shaped My Humor Part 1

The Simpsons

By Sean Tuohy

Author's note: Major thanks to Michael Foley, who jogged my memory while writing this piece and gave me a couple great laughs.

On Sunday nights, the boob tube in my house was normally turned to Fox and, like any decent American child of the 1990s, I was rolling on the floor laughing at "The Simpsons." The yellow skinned four-fingered family, made up of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and little Maggie, have in one way or another shaped the humor of all of us who love animation, television, and snappy writing. "The Simpsons" was one of the few things I shared with my father growing up, I have built lifelong friendships watching it, and the foundation of my humor was built upon it.

Much like Daniel Ford's ode to "Parks and Recreation," I wanted to come up with five jokes that best sum up the show's 20-plus years of humor. Let's get started before I have to moonwalk out of the band room playing my saxophone Lisa Simpson-style.

Zap!

Filmmaker John Waters guest starred in this romp of an episode as Homer's new best friend John, who happens to be gay. This episode is so un-PC  and over the top and is a great showcase for makes "The Simpsons" so awesome.

Remember Which Lot We Parked In

Whenever I am in a parking lot of any kind I have to say this line. Have to!

Hello Everybody! Hi, Doctor Nick!

Why wouldn't you want the whacky Doctor Nick to take care of you? You would mostly likely die.

Gun!

I learned more about gun safety and gun control laws from this episode of television than I ever did watching CNN

Frogurt

Every Halloween you wanted two things: candy from strangers and to see the new Treehouse of Horrors.

So yeah, I have more than this. Stay tuned for Part 2, which I'll have finished as soon as I stop saying "excellent" and tenting my fingers à la Mr. Burns.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

10 Reasons Why Everyone Should Love ‘Parks and Recreation’

Benslie? Lesen? Whatever, best television couple ever!

By Daniel Ford

"Parks and Recreation" aired its Season 6 finale April 24 and is (supposedly) headed into its final season next fall. The show certainly has suffered from every symptom known to older sitcoms (recycled plots, babies, will they?/won't they?, Ron Swanson being Ron Effing Swanson). The laughs are harder earned and the emotional moments don't hit you quite as hard.

However, I'm long past the point of being objective about this show. It's the "Cheers" of my generation (after watching and adoring all 11 seasons of that classic television show, this is not praise I dish out lightly). I'm emotionally invested in every character and I find myself tearing up more often than not (I get chills every time "5,000 Candles in the Wind” plays).

I don't know how much time I have left to enjoy Pawnee and its wacky inhabitants, but I know I'll be crying and laughing through every moment. Here are 10 of my favorites (so far):

Model UN Battle

Chris Pratt’s face in this scene seals this moment as one of my all-time favorites. Ben Wyatt’s “Good Lord” is the perfect denouement.

Stop. Pooping.

Rob Lowe’s best moment on television. Nothing else comes close.

London Calling

This probably won’t be the last Ron Swanson moment, but it’s probably his best. The Season 6 premiere of “Parks and Recreation” was brilliant television for a show that’s winding down its run. It could have easily served as the series’ final episode ever. His reaction to seeing the whiskey distillery at the end of Leslie’s scavenger hunt is as good as any brown liquor.

Ron Swanson v. Dinner

I love breakfast food. The only thing keeping me from saying this every time Stephanie Schaefer and I go out to brunch is the fear that she will break up with me immediately.

Punk Ass Book Jockeys

As a reader and a writer, I shouldn’t enjoy Leslie Knope’s hatred of the library so much. But I do.

Fine Leather Goods

Treat. Yo. Self.

He's A Mini-Horse!

The fact I don’t own a Li’l Sebastian shirt is a crime. Every reaction to the mini-horse is a great one, including non-believer Ben Wyatt.

People Are Idiots

Yup, more breakfast food. #treatyoself

Small Park, Big Love

Ben and Leslie might be my favorite television couple of all time. Their moment of throwing caution to the wind at “The World’s Smallest Park” was a homerun (starts at 1:43 mark). Getting dusty in here all over again…dammit.

Dammit Jerry

This scene will never not be funny. I just played it 500 times.

The Boneyard Archives

10 Inspirational Writing Quotes To Get You Through the Week

By Daniel Ford

Someone said to me this morning, “There is not enough coffee in the world to get me through this week."

After a Patriot’s Day off, I feel the same way.

Alas, writers aren’t allowed a day off. Even when your eyelids are heavy, your hangover is crushing, and your hand is crippled with indecision and fear, your writer’s mind is always thinking about the next word, the next paragraph, and the next conclusion.

So once you’ve jolted your system awake with copious amounts of caffeine, you’re going to need something else to keep you going. These 10 quotes on writing I found this morning just might do the trick. Feel free to recommend your favorite inspirational writing quotes in the comments section, or tweet us @WritersBone.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

The Boneyard: Our Best Moments as Writers

Daniel Ford and Sean Tuohy gave you their best moments as writers when they first founded Writer’s Bone. They asked the Writer’s Bone crew what their favorite moment was and here’s what they came up with:

Stephanie Schaefer: In college, my favorite moments as a writer were when I received papers with relatively little red mark-ups and that ever-so-satisfying “A” (or A-) on top–a rare fete for an English major. However, as I made my way into the real world, I realized that this subjective art doesn’t necessarily need A+ approval from a teacher or editor to be qualified as something you’re proud of.

Although sitting face to face with Shaquille O’Neal and firing questions at him was a badass moment in my journalism career thus far, one of my most gratifying accomplishments as a writer was crafting a story with true meaning behind it. I had the opportunity to interview a 16-year-old girl who survived cancer and found power in creativity. She remained positive and upbeat throughout the entire interview, and truly appreciated the chance to tell her story. After that interview, I knew that I wanted to use my skills to share inspiring narratives.

Lindsey Wojcik: "New York Brought Down to Size." That headline accompanied by an inaccurate composition of the New York City skyline donned the cover of my college's student newspaper my sophomore year. It was not the first headline with my name beneath it—I had experienced that euphoric moment of seeing my work published for the first time months before—but without that simple cover line, as well as the content of the story inside, I may not be where I am today.

I just was an eager contributing reporter hoping to obtain a few writing samples for my portfolio when, at a weekly writer's meeting, the features editor pitched an idea for a series of stories that would profile thriving cities a 20-something might consider moving to after college graduation. With my heart set on my own post-collegiate life in New York City, I knew I could deliver exactly what the editor wanted. I took the assignment.

Two weeks later—after interviewing a New York City-based realtor, a career development counselor at NYU, and three of my own school's alumni (former metro-Detroiters) that lived in the city—I turned in a comprehensive guide on where to live, work, eat and play in New York City after college. I was proud of it, but I never expected it would grace the cover.

The final product gained the attention of key editors and the newspaper's faculty advisor, who deemed it cover worthy. When the features editor passed along the news that it would, in fact, be the cover story, I could not remove myself from the newsroom. I only left to attend class, but returned long after other contributing writers left—determined to see the story come to life on the page and cover.

I craved camaraderie from the editors and advisor, so there I sat, deskless, shooting the shit with other staff members and pitching ideas, so I could contribute more. Each one of them listened intently and encouraged me to write as much as possible.

A year later, I would become the newspaper's editor in chief. And not long after graduation, I would finally be able to call myself a New Yorker. "New York Brought Down to Size" gave me the confidence and determination to achieve both.

David Pezza: My best moment as a writer is writing a short story that I haven't finished yet that I know will be crazy cool, but I need time to flesh it out…like years…

Also, one my best moments as a writer happened in a creative writing class at Providence College. The story, and the line about a redheaded woman I included in a previous post, got a huge response from the class. One kid, who was a nice and a cool dude (so someone I respected in the class), said about it, "Wish that I could write like that someday."

Emili Vesilind: It's always the same moment for me: that point in the writing process when the reporting has been jotted down, the lead has been crafted, and it's time to sort out and finesse the rest of the story. The hard part is over!

Elizabeth Nicklis: Getting the Principal’s Award in the first grade for writing. It was the first time I got an award for writing and you only get awards once in a while.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Sean and Daniel Watch Television: "Over the Edge"

Daniel Ford and Sean Tuohy discuss the award-winning television series "Batman: The Animated Series" while watching the episode "Over the Edge."

For more episodes of Sean and Daniel Watch Television, check out our YouTube channel.

Hillbillies, Whiskey, and Raylan: 15 Great Moments From ‘Justified’

"You've got two minutes to read this blog before we shoot you..."

By Sean Tuohy, Daniel Ford, and Dave Pezza

On Wednesday, Sean and I posted a video podcast of us watching the pilot episode of “Justified,” which was based on Elmore Leonard’s short story “Fire in the Hole.” That got us thinking about our favorite moments from the entire series and scouring the Internet for clips. We even convinced Writer’s Bone contributor David Pezza to tear himself away from his opus on vinyl to join in the fun.

Pour yourself a glass of apple pie (after you confirm Mags Bennett didn’t poison it), and spend some time in Harlan, Ky. Feel free to share your favorite moments in the comments section or tweet us @WritersBone.

Raylan Givens Makes an Entrance 

Sean Tuohy: Ah, first impressions are the most important and we meet Raylan as he guns down a mafia member on the run.

Daniel Ford: As Sean and I discussed on our video chat, there’s nothing more entertaining than a conversation between two guys who are about to shoot at each other.

“You’re the Asshole”/”Do You Know Where I’m From Asshole?"

Dave Pezza: Raylan has an obsession with calling people “asshole,” particularly outlaws. I love it. In fact, it has started to come out in my everyday vernacular. It’s music to my ears when we get to hear Olyphant say ‘asshole’ in his southern drawl and through Raylan’s badass persona, turning one word into a perfect description for criminals who have a flare for the idiotic.

“I Didn’t Order Assholes With My Whiskey”

DF: Ditto.

Showdown With Quarrels 

DF: Speaking of conversations between guys who want to want to shoot each other. Season 3 is highly underrated and this scene between Raylan, Wynn Duffy, and Robert Quarles is one of the tensest of the series.

Hillbilly Dance Off

ST: Boyd Crowder is smooth-talking and dancing crime lord. We got to see the fun side of the gun-toting preacher. Boyd Crowder.

Dewey Crowe Loses His Kidneys

DF: Dewey Crowe might be the ultimate showcase of an Elmore Leonard incompetent henchman. He’s a loveable loser much like Robert De Niro’s character was in “Jackie Brown” (based on Elmore Leonard’s novel Rum Punch). You root for Dewey even though you know his intentions are suspect and he’s dumber than the keyboard this paragraph was typed on. Crowe being convinced his kidneys were cut out…was…hehe…I mean…ha, ha, ha…I can’t…

Wynn Duffy

DF: I love everything about Wynn Duffy. His hair, his reactions to all the insanity that occurs around him, and his incompetent badassery.

Mags Bennett Apple Pie Exit

ST: One of the greatest villains in the show's history this scene is haunting and proves a point: No one leaves Harlan alive.

DF: The second season of “Justified” was perfect television. It had everything you want in a series finding its stride: villain progression, tortured hero, and an ending that defies cliché. Never has apple pie been so depressing.

"You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive"

Also listen to Sean Tuohy and Daniel Ford watch "Fire in the Hole:"

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

Sean and Daniel Watch Television: “Fire in the Hole”

By Daniel Ford 

Sometimes it’s better to relive the beginning than focus on the end.

The finale of the sixth season of “Justified” aired last night and it sets up an epic final season sure to include Raylan Givens and Boyd Crowder’s last stands. As Sean says, “they both need to die and have their blood be soaked up by the soft Kentucky soil.”

Those thoughts are for another day.

Recently, Sean and I sat down to watch the pilot episode of the series, titled “Fire in the Hole,” and discussed how perfectly it depicted Elmore Leonard’s short story. This video podcast also features us drinking cans of Miller High Life, my awesome hat, and plenty of Raylan Givens gunplay.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

What’s the Most Badass Moment in American History?

The 20th Maine's charge on Little Round Top

By Daniel Ford

I just finished Michael Shaara’s classic Civil War novel The Killer Angels. It includes three of the best lines about warfare I’ve ever read (and I’ve read a lot of books about warfare):

“Like a shot into a rotten leg, a wet thick leg. All a man is: wet leg of blood.”

“He passed a hospital wagon, saw mounded limbs glowing whitely in the dark, a pile of legs, another of arms. It looked like masses of fat white spiders.”

“He moved as if his body was filled with cold cement that was slowly hardening, and yet there was something inside bright and hot and fearful, as if something somewhere could break at any moment, as if a rock in his chest teetering and could come crashing down.” I had the same thought after reading each line: Hand Michael Shaara all the Pulitzers forever (the book indeed won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction in 1975).

It’s impossible to pick my favorite moment from the book, but it’s easy to choose the most badass.

Colonel Joshua Chamberlain of the 20th Maine is defending Little Round Top at the end of the Union’s left flank during the second day of the Battle of Gettysburg. He’s facing yet another Confederate attempt to take the hill. His men are running out of ammunition. He’s been ordered to hold the ground at all cost and to not retreat under any circumstances.

Chamberlain orders his man to fix bayonets and to charge down the hill. They do in smashing fashion. A Confederate regiment is in full flight (a rare sight for a Union man) and Chamberlain’s men end up taking more than 100 Rebel prisoners.

Fix bayonets! Charge!

I maintain that this was the most badass moment in American history. The stakes couldn’t be higher, a professor by trade made the decision to attack an opposing regiment with not much more than steel and fists, and the victory poked a hole in the belief that General Robert E. Lee’s men army was invincible (which would be laid to rest forever the following day during Pickett’s Charge).

However, being the amateur historian that I am, I realize something this subjective deserves closer examination. So I picked out nine other badass moments from American history we can all debate. You can add to the list in our comments section or tweet us @WritersBone.

10. Chief Joseph Surrenders

It’s never easy admitting defeat, especially if you know the worst is yet to come. Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians surrendered to U.S. forces on Oct 5, 1877. His speech on the occasion is worth printing in full. It’s a badass moment after a lifetime of sorrow and before a lifetime of it left to endure:

“Tell General Howard that I know his heart. What he told me before I have in my heart. I am tired of fighting. Our chiefs are killed. Looking Glass is dead, Tu-hul-hil-sote is dead. The old men are all dead. It is the young men who now say yes or no. He who led the young men [Joseph's brother Alikut] is dead. It is cold and we have no blankets. The little children are freezing to death. My people—some of them have run away to the hills and have no blankets and no food. No one knows where they are—perhaps freezing to death. I want to have time to look for my children and see how many of them I can find. Maybe I shall find them among the dead. Hear me, my chiefs, my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more against the white man.”

9. George Washington Crossing the Delaware

George Washington got his ass kicked in New York City by the British. He couldn’t run out of Manhattan fast enough. Washington’s career up to this point included a lot of bad ideas followed by retreating (minus kicking the British out of Boston which wouldn’t have happened without the cannons Henry Knox lugged all the way from Fort Ticonderoga).

But his crossing of the Delaware on a cold Christmas night in 1776 was a thing of beauty. He took the Hessians by surprise and won a decisive victory at Trenton (Check out David Hackett Fischer’s Pulitzer Prize-winning Washington Crossing if you want an expert take on the event). The win boosted morale in the Continental Army (and Congress) and solidified Washington’s standing as commander-in-chief.

It would be eight long years before Washington opened up a big can of whoop ass at Yorktown, but this badass moment gave life to a revolutionary flame short on oxygen.

8. Women Get the Right to Vote

In 1920! Come on, guys, really? It took us this long to figure this shit out? Women getting the right to vote: badass. The fact it took so long: chicken shit stupid.

7. Lewis and Clark Expedition

The men on Lewis and Clark’s expedition to chart the Louisiana Purchase (which whiny Thomas Jefferson bought begrudgingly despite the no-brainer offer from the French) were consuming 6,000 calories a day (much of it from raw meat) at one point. You know why? They were walking across the United States. I remember how great it was seeing the Pacific Ocean for the first time. I can’t imagine how it must of felt being the first Americans to see it. Lewis eventually went a little crazy and may or may not have shot himself in 1809.

6. Moon Landing

Um, we landed on the moon first. Do I need to explain to you why this is badass? Suck it Russia. USA! USA! USA!

5. Abraham Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation

My buddy Scott criticizes Abraham Lincoln for suspending habeas corpus during the Civil War. Well, he also signed into law a little something called the Emancipation Proclamation. Following George McClellan’s lukewarm victory at the Battle of Antietam, Lincoln declared, “that all persons held as slaves" within the rebellious Southern States "are, and henceforward shall be free." Yes, it was only meant to be a war measure; yes, it left slavery untouched in the border states; and yes, it exempted certain areas in the Confederacy that had come under Union control. However, the proclamation gave added purpose to what the fighting men were bleeding and dying for, and gave the North a powerful railing cry against their Southern counterparts. A Union victory would mean emancipation be cemented into the nation’s laws. Lincoln was betting victory, his Presidency, and the fate of the nation on his belief that slavery needed to end. He was right. It’s a shame Andrew Johnson wasn’t nearly the badass Lincoln might have been during Reconstruction.

4. Killing Osama Bin Laden

I watched the Twin Towers collapse on 9/11 my senior year in high school.

However, I did so several hours after the event. I went through my first two periods of the day not knowing that the worst attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor had occurred shortly after I got off the bus that morning.

On May 2, 2011 nearly 10 years later, the killing of Osama bin Laden shook the country in much the same way. The man responsible for cratering lower Manhattan and our nation’s heart was finally brought to justice and many of us once again found ourselves huddled around the television screen. One of the most stirring tweets came from Seattle’s King 5 TV reporter Jim Forman. He happened to be on a flight with a 9/11 widow who broke down and cried when she heard the news. Forman tweeted that the entire cabin comforted her. I don’t know where we’re headed, but I can at take solace in the fact that many of us will be headed there together.

The moment—captured expertly in the film Zero Dark Thirty—marked the blurred line conclusion to an era and allowed those of not watching Fox News to take stock and really think about what the War on Terror has meant to our nation’s legacy. It wasn’t so much a victory, but something that had to be done and we did it. And our armed forces did it exceptionally well.

President Obama's mic drop and then long walk away from the camera certainly adds to badassery of the moment.

3. The Declaration of Independence

The Declaration of Independence is essentially a laundry list of reasons why King George III is a douche. However, it also laid the foundation for the modern definition of freedom. I’m not a big Thomas Jefferson fan, but he really nailed this document (much like he nailed all his female slaves he never freed…sorry, I can’t resist). Rich, entitled, land-owning WASPs our Founding Fathers may have been, but this document serves as a testament to what was possible when they laid their prejudices aside and reached for the stars.

2. The Civil Rights Movement

It’s impossible to choose just one moment from the Civil Rights Movement. So I’m not going to. I recently read Taylor Branch’s Parting the Waters: America in the King Years 1954-1963 to get a better handle on an era I didn’t know much about. The book hit me like a fist to the face. If you can’t find anything inspirational or deeply American about the events of Rose Parks’ refusal to give up her seat, the Montgomery Bus Boycott, the March on Washington, or the Freedom Rides then I don’t want to know you. The book could get bogged down a bit when describing Martin Luther King’s political infighting, but the pages dealing with the events above vibrated with heat and electricity. Last year, I also read Isabel Wilkerson’s The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration and Eric Foner’s Reconstruction, which made Branch’s work all the more visceral. Hundreds of years is a long time to wait for anything—especially freedom—which makes the Civil Rights Movement all the more heartbreaking, angry, passionate, and, of course, badass.

1. 20th Maine Bayonet Charge on Little Round Top

Fix bayonets! Charge!

or posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

A Semi-Serious, Somewhat Coherent, Completely Subjective List of the Best Sidekicks of All Time

Superman's true right-hand man.

By Sean Tuohy and Daniel Ford

Kids don’t want to be Alfred when they grow up. They want to be Batman. Why aspire to be Chewbacca when you can be the much less hairy Han Solo who gets to kiss one of only two women in the entire galaxy?

It’s fucking tough being the sidekick.

You arguably do all the hero’s dirty work and get none of the glory or reward. How good of a detective is Batman without his butler and Barbara Gordon’s computer know-how? If Superman is a god, than why does he bother keeping Lois and Jimmy around? Because they need help like everyone else.

Here are a bunch of sidekicks Sean and Daniel came up with that they feel need more recognition. Feel free to share your own underrated sidekicks in the comments section or tweet us @WritersBone.

Einstein From “Back to the Future”

Einstein was loyal, he allowed himself to be put in the time machine, and when Marty and Doc were attacked, he warned them about it.

Alfred Pennyworth From “Batman: The Animated Series”

Alfred Pennyworth has been the gold standard for loyal sidekicks. However, while he was still Bruce Wayne/Batman’s steadfast butler in “Batman: The Animated Series,” he was also a huge dick. He had a snide comment for everything Bruce Wayne said. He was going to do his duty and take care of his lunatic charge, but he was going to be good and snarky while doing it! (Sean add fact about Joker)

Oracle From “Batman” Comic Book Series

One could argue that Barbara Gordon is more valuable than Alfred, and certainly more badass. She starts out as Batgirl, gets shot through the spine by the Joker in "The Killing Joke," and then becomes Batman’s savvy computer/code breaker goddess Oracle. Image with caption

Barbara Gordon would get up from this moment and continue being a badass sidekick. Robin...not so much.

All of John McClane’s Sidekicks From the “Die Hard” Series

Before he became a superhero in the most recent films, John McClane needed a lot of help to defeat the bad guys. In the first two films, it was the dad from “Family Matters” who carried McClane over the finish line. “Die Hard With a Vengeance” featured Samuel L Jackson as a sidekick that started out viscerally hating the hero.

Chewbacca From “Star Wars” Trilogy

Chewie is another loyal lieutenant to a colossal, reckless prick. He suffers a ton of insults (“walking carpet”—fuck you, Leia) while keeping his friends safe largely through others fear he’ll rip their arms off. Chewbacca reuniting with Han in “Return of the Jedi” is a real tearjerker moment.

Winston From “Ghostbusters”

Winston Zeddemore wasn’t part of the original “Ghostbusters” trio and didn’t completely buy into what Peter, Ray, and Egon were doing. However, he earned his paycheck and delivered some classic lines in the process. He also provided everyone with the answer to the question,“Are you a god?”

April O’Neil From “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”

Not only did April O’Neil buy the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles a bunch of pizza and let them hang out at her apartment, but she was also a hard news journalist that looked smashing in a yellow trench coat. She also got kidnapped a lot so the green guys would have something to do. You’re welcome, fellas.

Jonathan Mardukas From “Midnight Run”

Jonathan Mardukas is a weasel, but at least he’s a helpful one. Robert De Niro’s bounty hunter would be in even more trouble without Charles Grodin’s quick-thinking character. Plus, there might not be a funnier exchange in the movie than this one (and that is saying something):

Mardukas: “You seen any suspicious characters around here?”

Creepy regular at the bar: “Nope.”

Mardukas: “Do you live around here?”

The Kid From “Dick Tracy”

Any sidekick that eats this much has to be included on any list Sean and Daniel come up with. The Kid also ends up taking Dick Tracy’s name which is a nice touch.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Scooby Gang

Daniel is an unabashed fan of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” He couldn’t pick just one from Buffy’s self-proclaimed “Scooby gang,” so we’re making him include this video to shame him.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

This pair is arguably the most symbiotic duo in movie history. Butch’s quips and bullets wouldn’t be so biting without Sundance’s dry responses, and Sundance wouldn’t jump off the cliff without Butch. It’s the rare case of the two heroes also being perfect sidekicks.

The Pimp From “Superman II”

Superman really needed that extra boost of confidence right before he saved Lois Lane.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.

The Boneyard: The E-Book Debate Continues

What, you thought we weren’t going to let the rest of the Writer’s Bone crew respond to Dave and Matt’s debate on e-books? Do you know how much we love writing and reading our own prose? Come on, get your shit together, it’s Thursday already! Look for Dave and Matt’s rebuttals later this afternoon. 

Sean Tuohy: Let's get this out of the way: You love books. I love them. Daniel loves them. Most people love books. They are great. How many early memories do you have involving reading a book and learning about the world? A lot I hope.

So, why the fuck do you care what form they come in? They are books. Printed or e-book, it does not matter what form they come in as long as you can read them and enjoy them. The fact that we can sit down and read a story and learn something or enjoy ourselves is amazing. How great are our lives were we have access to tons of information in the form of words? We have a power to slip to the world of storytelling and live there.

Just the idea that your brain is able to look at lines of random words and form them together inside of your head and that gives you knowledge is jaw dropping. There are people who live in this country who never get to enjoy what we get to enjoy. The idea of cracking opening a book or looking at an e-book reader is terrifying to some because they don't know how to read. Yes, this being the United States, a superpower, and people still don't know how to read.

Instead of bitching about how e-books are awful or how the printed book are no longer needed, how about we spend more time spreading the good word about books. Read to a group of kids, give books out to strangers, or sit with some blind old people and read to them. We have a fantastic ability to love reading, something that is slowly dying away in our world. Please, let’s use the gift we have and share it with others.

Lindsey Wojcik: I do not currently own an e-reader, however I wouldn't be opposed to consuming content on one. I do enjoy packing up a physical book and taking it along with me to the park, beach, or in my bag while I ride the train to work. There's something about the smell of the pages—new or old—that draws me to read from good, old fashioned, printed books. I also get pleasure out of breaking in a new book by folding pages over, breaking in the binding, and marking my spot with a bookmark—which is usually an old photo or ticket stub from some event I attended that brings back warm memories every time I open the book. Could I do that with an e-reader? I'm not sure, but like I said, I'm not opposed finding out.

Daniel Ford: My brothers and I gave my mother a Kindle for her birthday a couple years ago. You'd think we had given her a slab of gold. She was always a reader, but now she could download free Kindle novels to her hearts content. She's embracing technology at a younger age (if I had written anything else, she would have murdered me) and its added something to her experience. Her Kindle was also a comfort to her when she was visiting my sick uncle in the hospital. The argument that convenience isn't a good enough reason for e-books to exist is a flawed one because ask someone whose life is defined by inconveniences. There were times my mother didn’t have time to go home and grab a few books before heading to the hospital. And she was spending enough time there that she was finishing them at a fast clip. She could just throw her Kindle in her bag and it was one less thing she had to think about. A small (book) light in the storm is better than none at all.

The amount I read print books and e-books has increased exponentially because of my Kindle. I not only read a lot more, but I read a wider variety of content. Before the Kindle, I had to be selective when buying books because, well, I decided to be a struggling writer for a living. Now it's cheaper (and sometimes free) for me to expand my horizons. Also, reading is considered cool again. Is it a shame an e-reader had to be the one to bring about that? Of course. But I’m glad it did.

Finally, Amazon has given voices to writers we may have never heard of before (like me eventually). Some might be good, but legit authors have embraced the e-market such as Bob Mayer and David Morell. Andrew Klavan said on the podcast we're experiencing a revolution in reading and writing. He's right. And revolutions are meant to repeal us forward, not keep us in neutral.

That being said, there is nothing classier, sexier, and more majestic than a full bookcase showing off the books you've read (or that you have yet to read). Plus, when you move, your friends and family need something to do, right? Complaining about moving books is a national institution, so who am I to go against that kind of tradition?

Hassel Velasco: I do agree that too many people are turning away from actual books, which is a sad fact. But it's also fact that most e-readers and their stores make books cheaper and more accessible. More and more people are turning to e-readers to avoid the hassle of driving to a library or book store, not to mention how easy it is becoming to share these books. I may be part of the problem. I just shared The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy to my 11-year-old sister who lives 3,000 miles away so now she can comfortably read it on her iPad.

All in all, I do have a great solution to this issue. The same way DVDs and Blu-rays now come with digital downloads, why not make paper books that have digital downloads? I don't know, just a thought.

Be sure to check out: 

• Say Yes to E-Books: Don’t Hate the Screen, Hate the Publishers! 

• Say No to E-Books: For God’s Sake, Think of the Bookmarks!

Judge A Book By Its Cover: 12 Book Jackets We Love

Admit it; it’s hard not to judge a book by its cover.

Especially if it looks like this:

Egads!

Yes, what’s written under the hood is more important than fancy artwork, but there’s no better feeling than a book cover that captures your imagination and then the words that follow blow your mind even more.

We asked the Writer’s Bone crew what their favorite book covers are and here’s what they came up with:

Daniel Ford:

I know there’s a more iconic cover of this book, but this is the one my older brother put in my hands and kicked my love of reading into hyper drive.

This isn’t only one of my favorite covers; it’s one of my favorite short story collections of all time. And that’s exactly how men would be without women; just beating the hell out of each other in a boxing ring for no reason.

Groovy.

Perfect comic book cover. Perfect comic book period.

Stephanie Schaefer:

I loved Dr. Seuss growing up and my mom gifted me this book for my high school graduation. The cartoon on the cover kind of reminds me of the stage of life I’m at now. He looks a little nervous to take a wrong turn, but the pastel colors are comforting. Essentially, he’s the quintessential 20-something.

Brightly colored and mysteriously symbolic, it doesn’t get much better than Fitzgerald’s flapper-esque cover.

The rainbow fish had sparkly, shimmery scales. Need I say more? #alliteration

Dave Pezza:

There is something about the simplicity of The Hobbit and his adventure and what he idealizes that makes this cover. Some beauty that’s deeper than the aesthetically pleasing vista of Middle Earth.

Kind of random, and not even a real favorite of mine, but for some reason I love the cover art.

Lindsey Wojcik:

The photo of the Los Angeles skyline covered by smog in the sepia image on the book's cover immediately caught my eye. Admittedly, I am drawn to cityscapes, but the book's title almost gets lost in the haze, adding to the intrigue. The lightness on the cover is strikingly different than the book's dark tone, yet the image begs the reader to see through the smog and continue reading.

Emili Vesilind:

It was totally intriguing to me as a child—the idea of taking colorful little tubes to feel one way or another. Dolls!

Catherine Kearns (Daniel’s college cohort, future Writer's Bone contributor, and mother of two):

On trips to Upstate New York my grandmother would bring a chair down to the pond to fish. She was never able to carry it up since her arms would be tired, so she would leave it down there and I always remember looking at the chair on its own from the deck. It was nice to see the chair in this cover, even if she wasn't in it.

For posts from The Boneyard, check out our full archive.